Thanks for jumping in and sharing your experience with divorce during MLC.
You have learned much during your journey, your post contains a great deal of strength; and you are settled with the decision you made, and that is all that matters.
Thanks for your input, and for your honesty.
Just because you went ahead and filed for a divorce does NOT make you a "weak" person. Each person with a spouse in MLC is put in a position to decide what's best for him/her.
Don't ever feel ashamed of the decisions you make regarding your life; you did the best you could do, and went as far as you could go. The choice to keep on or not was YOURS; no one has the right to judge you(not that anyone is, but you know what I mean; I was thinking of people who do NOT understand this situation). Bear in mind, you were the ONLY one who knew what was right for you...and no one else could tell you what to do; they were not living your life, nor walking in your shoes.
You are absolutely correct in your assessments; you've observed your ex-WAS long enough to learn these things. And honestly, you knew him better than anyone else..and though things were confusing, and you did quite a bit of soul searching before you did file; you came to a decision based on what information you had regarding him and the situation at the time.
One more thing; please, don't beat yourself up because you didn't do this sooner. Let it go, as it doesn't deserve any more "head time". Go on with your life, and make it a great one. One of the best things you did was hang on for as long as you could; making sure the "what if" questions were answered to YOUR satisfaction before you took action to end the marriage on paper. Your WAS ended it long before when he decided to take this road to destruction...at least you weren't dragged along with him. It is better to do what you did in waiting for awhile to see what happened, than to go ahead and file, and THEN spend alot of time, going back and forth in guilt, saying "What if I'd done this....or that?"
You did ALL you could, then it was time to stop when YOU felt it was time to stop; coming out or not coming was and is always up to the MLC'er...and that is one of the many "rubs" in this time of trouble.
MLC is truly a crap shoot and a gamble; as it's uncertain...but you knew for yourself when to quit; and that was YOUR decision alone. As has been said many times, each MLC is as different as each person is different...and only the LBS knows what to do and when to do it.
We may read into the situation, but there is never a real guarantees of outcome...yet, even life itself, has NO guarantees. And, like you say, we just do the best we can, one day at a time, one step at a time.
All that is important is the journey to being whole once again, growing, learning...and taking care of ourselves; regardless of what happens or doesn't happen with the MLC'er.
You have pointed to a possibility that could happen to anyone...someone getting stuck in the tunnel, most possibly for the rest of their lives.
Take care of yourself.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
