...and *HUGS* to all my friends here. (Thanks again, Irish, Kat, Karen.)
I haven't totally abandoned the DB forums as yet. But I am on hiatus, taking a break and just lurking. Other than sending a few messages via the alt, I am not really communicating as much right now. I'm just not feeling the need or seeing the purpose at this time to vent in a venue where many folks don't even try to understand anymore.
It's funny -- I don't pretend to presume the circumstances of my own sitch are normal, especially for the WAW in my case, and thus to assume I can make solid pronouncements to others of what can and cannot be done in their cases. I also have come to wonder if perhaps I no longer offer as much information that is relevant to many folks here in the DB forums -- not any longer.
But I don't know.
What I do know is that when I continue to receive advice based on false premises and projections of other people's situations and biases, I find it fruitless.
But then I can't very well blame other folks for not fully understanding the degree of insidiousness I am actually confronted with, as it took a long time for me to finally wake up to it myself. In fact, I still catch myself in absolute shock and horror at how unbelievably diabolical and over-the-top sinister my xW has become. So it's no wonder people assume I am overreacting.
Joie, I would consider trying to work with the OM if he were the sort of stand-up person one could half-way trust. But xW's OM is a lowly worm who has known my ex for over 14 years but has slinked around amidst the shadows. He's a coward who called my W a "friend" but never, ever bothered to meet me, but instead had the nerve to seduce my W. And even after the D, when they brought their R more out in the open, he still avoided me and remained hidden in the shadows. Now, after posing as a so-called "friend of the family" before my S's, he's playing the "daddy" game with them -- and allowing himself to be the pawn in xW's plans to alienate me from my S's.
As such, I could never respect such a person and certainly could never trust him. Frankly, I do not want him to have any role in parenting my S's. He is much too far from being a proper role model. If he weren't such a treacherous snake-in-the-grass that'd be one thing, but I cannot fathom what possible benefit my condoning such a scum-bag forcing his way into my S's lives would offer them. A demonstration before my S's of Magnanimity? Peace? Good Will?
Or weakness? Foolishness? Naivete? Reckless folly in the face of an obvious threat?
No. I have been much too trusting and willing to give the benefit of a doubt to folks like him in the past, and that has cost me far too much already. And where the stakes are the well-being of my S's, I am just not willing to take any such risks, especially on such an unrepentant -- and serial -- parasite.
...
Tomorrow is our cub scout pack's Pinewood Derby. And exW is trying to stir up trouble there too. S9 and I have been participating in the scouts as the core of our father-son activities. I became an assistant den leader to further my commitment to S9's participation. Now xW is threatening to bring her affair partner, OM, to the derby. I told her it was not a good idea, but she is insisting that OM is a part of the family now. And she is saying the pack meetings, the camping and the other activities are open to all family members, so she fully intends for her and the OM to participate in that with S9.
So I sent exW one last reply insisting that she was trying to encroach on my father-son R with S9, and to please "back off". It remains to be seen if she will respect my wishes and the R between me and my S's. She's already been trying to brain-wash my S's into thinking it is necessary for OM to be there.
(And I am certain she will do the same against me and S5 during his Soccer practice and games that start next month.)
If she does insist on interfering with me and my S's, she will only prove how uncaring she really is for them.
