robx, First of all, Thank you for you kind words and well wishes. Second, I do agree w/ a lot of what you wrote in your response. I think we all go into marriage w/ somewhat of a fairy tale idea....only to find out later our prince is really a frog or our princess is really a witch. Bill and I were both married for over 20 years to our previous spouses. We both made mistakes in our previous marriages...and, we have both learned from those mistakes. And, unfortunately, we will make mistakes in OUR marriage. But, hopefully, we will remember those lessons learned. Bill and I did participate in several Biblical book studies about second marriages and we spent a lot of time getting to know one another before we decided to get married.
I agree one hundred percent w/ what you wrote about priorities. God was not a part of my first marriage. It has been, and is, very important to me that God be a priority...a FIRST priority....in my marriage with Bill. And, I do agree that the spouse should be second, before the children. In all honesty, this was probably one of my greatest concerns. I know that Bill loves me and I love him. And, I know that he is commited to our marriage. But, all of that being said, he made a commitment to his son BEFORE he met me and I did not feel that I could ask him to break that promise. First of all, it would not have been right of me to put him in that position. Secondly, he would not have broken his promise because he is a man of his word. And, thirdly, I would not do anything that would cause hard feelings between my "bonus" son and myself. Again, Bill and I did discuss priorities in a marriage, in OUR marriage. And, while I certainly would love for us to be living together and I would love to know that I am "first" in his life, there are times when we have to put our children first, and, for Bill, this is that time. I have to trust that we will get our time together. And, when that happens, things will be different. I have to give him this time to fulfill his commitment. And, until then, he is there and I am here.
I belive in speaking honestly and I would be lying to you and to myself if I told you I was "thrilled" w/ our arrangement. I am a woman who is deeply in love w/ my husband and I long for the day when we are together all the time. I would be lying if I told you that there have not been times when I felt some sense of sadness or anger because we are apart. Because I certainly have. And, it makes me angry that the ex-spouses who chose to walk away from their marriages and their families are now both married and living w/ their spouses while Bill and I are living apart. But, again, I know that this is not a forever arrangement and our days together are in the very near future. And, I know that our "sacrifices" are for the sake of our children.
I agree that marriages fail when we stop making our spouses and our marriage a top priority. Far too often we do tend to take each other for granted and to become relaxed and complacent w/ what we have. I have often said that a marriage is lke a plant. You start w/ a seed and you have to care for it and nuture it in order for it to grow.
robx, I DO think that Bill is an awesome man. And, as much as I love him, I also respect him. His commitment to his son has shown me that he is a man of his word...that he is someone I can trust.
I am sorry to say that I am not familiar w/ your sitch. But, whatever it may be, you have my best wishes!
