I guess the upside to a bad day is the next day has to be better in comparison, right? and if the next day is worse, then the day before can glow as a memory of wow--what a great day that was!
Today was a bit better, thanks. I did some of The Work stuff in my head.
And got one gal pal to go to Town Meeting with me. She is actually going to ask a friend of hers if he would be willing to go with me as my "beard." (like, when a gay guy has a gal pal go with him to a family event, pretending to be a girl friend)
And then I asked a neighbor pal--whose ex-husband I have known casually for a number of years before she moved next door--took awhile to figure out the connection--to ask her X, let's call him K-if he would go with me as my beard in case the first one fell through. She laughed and called him right up. And he called me right back! Said he would be more than happy to go with me, and also said I should totally tell him when I was going snowboarding and he would go. (we always saw each other on the local ski hill)
He would be a totally great "pretend" male interest, as X has seen me and him say "hi hi hi" many times over the years at the ski area--so would have EVERY reason to think...gee, maybe Aver and K have hooked up??
So I have a plan, a small posse, one definite guy, one possible guy, and my cardio workout today was good!
YEAH!!!!! For better days!! Thanks for the love on my bad day... Keep at what you are doing... Things will look up!! You are stronger than you think!!! OH - remember H lost his balls somewhere so the meeting is already in your favor
(((AVER)))
T
Last edited by talia; 02/27/1006:52 PM.
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
It's great to read that you're feeling positive. Good for you for taking care of yourself and getting the support that you need.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Hi Aver! Trying to quickly catch up! Wanted to check in earlier but couldn't - I'll explain later. Just wanted to send you ((((hugs))) and I totally relate to the L meeting sucking! I love the beard idea - that's great. Sending you posititve thoughts & will do a thorough check in soon, but may not be til tomorrow eve) - my home computer is a piece of cr*p! Stay strong.
Went snowboarding today with an old friend from HS. We have met up here in VT a couple of times over the years. Connected now because I found him on Match! Pretty funny, I emailed him and we are acting as "match" buddies--advice on profiles, pics, how to go on dates, etc. He is totally looking for a woman to have a family with, so there's no R interest for either of us--just a very funny coincidence to re-meet and hang out this way.
Plan for town meeting: K will totally go with me as my "beard." He's into it. Another girlfriend will also go. This is actually better than my first plan, which was (in a panic) to go surrounded by like 52 friends, very few of whom actually LIVE in my town and would have no reason to go to my town meeting. THAT would reek of desperation!
And I have to ponder the possibility that K and I could have a "benefits" R, perhaps. When we first met, some 20 odd years ago (how is that possible!) I for sure thought there was some chemistry. We'll see.
It will be tough.
Today was my "deadline" from X to respond to his offer (I call it an ultimatum) to buy me out. With my lawyer I worked out a response: "will let you know early this week" so I could get thru town meeting without that battle having started.
The start of each month is tough...every 1st is another month since the bomb. Now we are in month 8. Of course, then I think it is one more month since X and gf are together--I bet she is counting the days til they reach one year!!!
Cutter once advised me to call her OW, not gf, and I did for a long time. But if I am to accept that my R with X is over...she is not The Other Woman. She is His Woman. His Girlfriend. Sig Other. Love of his Life. His Reason for Being. Whatever.
Whoops, getting upset here. Will stop now, maybe do some The Work.
Aver, great plan for support at the meeting!!! Can't wait to hear how it goes! I dont know what The Work will advise you to do, but I suggest visualizing seeing "gf" with X so that you will be more prepared and suffer less shock. Good luck!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Life works in mysterious ways.....