I haven't been on these boards in a coon's age, don't know what prompted me tonight but since I see a lot of familiar names on this thread, I'll post here.
I'll give the briefest of updates:
Despite having been a successful Piecer in 2002, having learned a lot about myself and having a few more valuable, sometimes wonderful years with my husband, he moved out January 2009. I was devastated at first, but after he'd been gone a couple of months, I looked around and realized "wait a minute, I think my life is better without the constant walking on eggshells and worrying about his moods!!!"
Although I'm still horrified at the pain he caused our children (don't get me wrong, he's been a good dad, but they were mystified at seeing their parents steady marriage evaporate), at least they were almost grown (late teens, early 20's) and there was little drama. Ex doesn't look happy but he has the thirty-something Asian chick he always wanted, I hope she's a nice person.
My life is still a little unsettled, but once I let go ("let go or be dragged" was my mantra) joy and fabulousness entered my life. I learned to play the drums in a rock band (last summer I played Highway to Hell in front of 2,000 people! Honest!!). I've reconnected with old friends that H didn't enjoy but I did, and made many many new friends that I love to pieces (but H wouldn't have liked). I've received enough compliments from other men, including much younger men, to dispel my ex's warped image of me. And I have a sexy new boyfriend, who gives foot massages and likes Sees chocolates.
I have peace in my heart that I did the very best I could to save my marriage. I also have peace that my ex wasn't a bad guy, just someone who couldn't handle what life threw at us. My illness, his concussions, our innate differences....it all just got too much for him and he was a wild animal who chewed his arm off to get out of the trap. I wish him well, I sincerely hope he finds the happiness he seeks.
I feel that all my time here on these boards prepared me so well, that I had already worked through most of my grief and issues the first time around, when he had his affair in 2002. This go round, it was a very accelerated process, and I am emerging on the other side just fine. Thanks to all the accumulated wisdom here, I feel confident about my future.
You might wonder why I didn't post about my journey here sooner - frankly, I didn't want my kids to read it, they were having a tough enough time.
