Thanks GB. Well at this point I feel more and more like I'm just done. I don't like the person he has become. I don't think there was anything wrong I did either. He texts me back last night to say "sorry - you just caught me off guard..let's discuss over weekend". Maybe when he calms down he'll realize I was just asking the ? he wanted answered, and that it was a reasonable request to agree on timing/amounts of payment so we're on the same page. It's not my fault that he blew through thousands of dollars on boondogle trips he took with his b-school budies (meanwhile I was still paying all the rent/bills). I think what I did was perfectly justified, but perhaps it was a nice side/180 - me being a bit more businesslike and assertive lately - and he didn't know how to respond. He kept saying to me: 'I don't need to talk to him like he's one of my clients'. BS. This is EXACTLY what I sent him:
"I hope Florida is fun and that training is not too intense. You sure picked a good week to be away - it has been raining nonstop here!
Quick question as I'm getting ready for the move. Are you planning to come by next weekend to get whatever remaining things you want at the apt? What do you want to do with your dresser and closet of stuff?
Also, I wanted to let you know that I did speak with the lawyer about the question you had and he said we would both need to fill out the financial long forms. Also he said it would be a good idea to agree on the timing of tuition payment – ideally in writing – so we’re both on the same page. The total amount was $XX. Would you prefer to break that up ˝ this year and ˝ next, or Xk this year, Xk next? Would June of each year be reasonable for you?
Hope work and everything else is going well. Kindly, Hil ---------------------
And he said my tone was unreasonable and harsh! Unless I'm crazy I don't think this was harsh or nasty at all.
At this point I just want out. I want to be done. I don't like the person he is or who he has become. I am fine with giving him another yr of flexibility (even though i think it's silly, he makes now 6 figures). I'm almost tempted just to end the debate and say back, ok over 3 yrs is fine and Dec of each yr (which he had asked). But I think the best thing to do might be just NC/Not respond further...he is going to call me Sunday when he gets back and discuss live. I just don't want him to make this horrible for both of us. He's bound to be a tad difficult w our tax appt next week. At this point I just want to take what's mine and get out of here, I really think I am done. So in some ways, it's good that I crossed that bridge, I guess.
I am tired of his emotional attacks and funny how he did this same 'game' a few times last yr. He'd lash out about $ (once throwing $20 in my face b/c I gave him leftover meal I had at home), and when I don't react or he knows he's hurt me, then he feels remorse and apologizes later.
I kind of want to end this debate and meet him halfway w terms (over 3 yrs, not 2 but NOT 10), but feel like it might be best to just lay low and not respond further until he's back. Perhaps then that'll give him some time to cool down. It's hard to not do anything further when I'm angry and want to vent and have it out with him (I could care less at this point if anything I do pushes him further away)...but maybe I just spend that energy elsewhere..stop by church today/meditate/keep busy w work.
This is NOT the kind of person I want to be with anymore.
And he said my tone was unreasonable and harsh! Unless I'm crazy I don't think this was harsh or nasty at all.
It wasn't harsh at all. In fact, you were incredibly diplomatic in your response to him. He probably is just taken aback at the fact that you are rolling smoothly with the situation at hand and not reacting emotionally.
Good for you.
And knowing what you want is a great first step, HHH.
hhh, you did nothing wrong. H way overreacted and you are right not to respond now. Just wait until he calls on Sunday but know beforehand what you are willing to agree with (which I think you already have).
Hugs!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Hi friends, Yes - I am feeling just fine about things, actually. Woke up feeling - I am done with this dude!! He called me 5 times last night (never answered) after our initial call. Then texted me 'why won't you answer my calls?' (Talking to my mom and then doing my meditation video). Then, at 12p he texts me: "Sorry I was upset you just caught me off guard". I was going to respond back but proud that I did not. (180 for me).
Today I got a call from him again..did not answer. He did not leave msg. My initial reaction (to myself) was: "leave me the F alone.."
I am done with him. I am over his BS. I'm actually glad I sent it b/c in some ways it brought out his true colors. It's not MY problem if he has gobs of debt... as I was cleaning my apt today I kept thinking Pearl, what you've said to me, "he chose his actions..he can live with the consequences..." I now FIRMLY believe that. His issue if he blew through his modeling check via 6x trips.
I know what I will agree on and I still want it in writing. I am DONE. Finally! and I feel just fine.
Thanks Pearl...all this advice has finally sunken in! Let's catch up soon (I've been following your posts and I SO hear you...I've been there too!)
So awesome that you are remaining strong! I'm in the ignoring email stage right now and it's so hard... but I'm inspired by this post to keep hitting "ignore" Thanks!
Let me also say...and I wasn't sure whether to post this on Talia's thread or mine..that I am in the process of making a DB/'Moving ON' MIX. Wish I could send to all of you on this site. Kelly Clarkson Breakaway is on it but my new personal favorite is Leone Lewis' Better in Time... I listen over and over again and now have dreams of becoming a professional singer. It rocks! Music heals the soul...
I know what you mean about music. I have a whole list of cheating songs on my mp3 player now. I keep thinking I should make a soundtrack that reflects my whole sitch but if I do that I may be more tempted to just walk away.
I'm glad you're feeling better and more confident. Let me reiterate that I do support people wanting to fight for their M. However I am a firm believer in facing the reality staring you in the face. Moving forward is sometimes your only option and really, it is the best option for you at this point.
I think I'm going to need a trip to SF in the spring. I'll check in with you about timing to see if you'll be in town.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
HHH Thanks for the support. I agree - you did the RIGHT THING. Clearly H still has unresolved issues - its nice to know you don't huh? You have grown enough through this to respond like an adult to tense situations... HIM... not so much.
I love the music idea - that helps me alot. Check out ORIANTHI on youtube. SHE ROCKS at elec guitar and has a couple songs that are amazing. She plays the most amzing electric guitar I've heard since Santana hit the scene...
You made it so easy To fall I had no fear at all I saw you beside me You never saw me there at all I promised you all this I made plans thinking this was it I never imagined I'd find you and lose myself instead I just never pictured it would end
And I wanna believe in love I wanna believe in something bigger than the two of us (the two of us) And I wanna breathe again I wanna go back to the days the days I had my innocence I wanna believe again
He picked up the pieces and put them back where they belonged But somethings missing but a part of me will carry on I am gonna learn to trust again
And I wanna believe in love I wanna believe in something bigger than the two of us (the two of us) And I wanna breathe again I wanna go back to the days the days I had my innocence I wanna believe again
Hey boy I would of thought that when you left me I'd be broken with my confidence gone.. so bummed.. Hey boy I would of thought that when you said that you don't want me I'd feel ugly n sense something was wrong Standing in front of the mirror.. my skin's never been clearer My smile's never been brighter
I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" Done.. with your lies Baby now my tears dried You can see my brown eyes Ever since you said goodbye I look so good, I look so good without you I look so good, I look so good without you
Hey I'd never would of thought that when you left me I'd feel sexy n so good in my skin again And I'd never would of known that I'd be dreamin' so much better without you in my head Standing in front of the mirror.. my clothes never fit better My life's never been brighter
I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" Done.. with your lies Baby now my tears dried You can see my brown eyes Ever since you said goodbye I look so good, I look so good without you I look so good, I look so good without you
Now baby my body's lookin' better than before Ain't bitin' my nails since you walked out of that door I realized now I deserve so much more than what you give Than what you give (than what you give..)
I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" Done.. with your lies Baby now my tears dried You can see my brown eyes Ever since you said goodbye
I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh n brand new Since you said "that we're through" Done.. with your lies Baby now my tears dried You can see my brown eyes Ever since you said goodbye I look so good ,I look so good without you I look so good, I look so good without you
Just a couple to add to your collection!!!!
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
ONE MORE... this one gets extra points for the sexy sexy bald man doing the singing... did I mention I have a weird fetish about sexy bald men..... TMI??
Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one To build me up and tear me down, Like an old abandoned house. What you said when you left Just left me cold and out of breath. I fell too far, was in way too deep. Guess I let you get the best of me.
Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over. I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces. I'm spending all of these years Putting my heart back together. 'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you.
You took a hammer to these walls, Dragged all the memories down the hall, Packed your bags and walked away. There was nothing I could say. And when you slammed the front door shut, A lot of others opened up, So did my eyes so I could see That you never were the best for me.
Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over. I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces. I'm spending all of these years Putting my heart back together. 'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you.
Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know.
Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over. I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces. I'm spending all of these years Putting my heart back together. Well I'm putting my heart back together, 'Cause I got over you. Well I got over you. I got over you. 'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you.
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
