Good suggestions Cat04. And your right, I really DON'T know what my H is thinking or feeling at this point. I guess I still feel "insulted" that he doesn't even see a need to want to talk to me.
Oh well, it's Friday and the beginning of the weekend. Need to come up with plans to do something for me. Maybe a massage or a day at the spa.
Thanks again. I do appreciate the amount of support that I find here.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
All - My H has been calling me at work all afternoon and I have not picked up. I haven't even checked messages on my phone. I am trying to stay dark and not sure why he is calling me. Probably wants to yell at me for something....
Should I stay dark or call back? I just don't want to subject myself to his antics.
What do I do?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
What he gonna do when your D? Start treating him that way. Not mean or anything like that but like SA said, stay dark. If he asks later on you can have some excuse like the phone didn't work, you didn't get the message....etc...
Thank you both. Even though it has only been a few days, I don't feel panic'd to call him back. It appears that I may be beginning to detach..
Staying dark.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I am an absolute mess right now. I am having an anxiety attack. I have no one I can talk to and I having a hard time this morning.
I feel like I have been turned upside out. And I am not feeling optimistic about my situation. So, I decided to call my H this morning after receiving notice that he may not be deployed by reserve command. They called our home and left a message.
Well, my H did not pick up. This was a HUGE mistake, because I expected him to pick up after calling me several times yesterday. I checked those messages too and he wants to come over to pick up mail and complete "some other things" during lunch today and wanted to know if that would be okay.
I have an IC session this morning and then I am heading into work for a couple of hours. I would really love to see him, but I think if I am here when he comes, things will just get worse. Not sure what to do at this point.
Sigh....
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
H just called. Tried to make a joke saying that I called him this morning twice (not really, he has 2 cell phones, so I tried both). When I said it was not funny, he said he was being playful.
Said he left messages and texted me yesterday and I never returned his call or text. SA, I did tell him that I didn't get the message until late. He wants to come over tonight instead of at lunch. Need to complete taxes (finally found the missing paperwork). I asked him if he is still being deployed. He said yes, but this is a bit confusing because of the message from Reserve Command saying his orders were being cancelled. Is he lying to me?
My H originally thought that it was only 6 months before you could file here in our state, but it is 1 year if you do not have a LS agreement or PROP settlement document in place. Again, last week, he was really pushing to get the PROP settlement in place by having us walk through the house dividing everything up. CRAZY!!!
So I am not sure if this is a ploy to continue with the PROP settlement.
I told him that it was okay for him to drop by after 4:00. He then said ..."we can talk about what has happened since I left...okay Babe?" Yes, he stills uses those terms of endearment when he wants something...... What is that about?
I have to get my mind right. IC session this morning (8:00 AM), then off to work. I know, I was suppose to have a spa day, but boss asked my team to work today. At least, it keeps me busy.
Maybe I will "spa" at home tomorrow.
Any thoughts on how to handle to H today?
Last edited by DestinyUnknown; 02/27/1011:49 AM.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
You are still very very much allowing your interactions with your H to influence you. Your moods, thoughts, everything. It is evidenced by the difference in your two previous posts.
You really must get a grip on this otherwise you will continue to have anxiety attacks, trouble sleeping, and you will begin to notice that other areas of YOUR life start to be affected.
Is your H lying to you? Who knows…
YOU received a message that HE may know nothing about yet…
Not everything has an ulterior motive or deception attached to it, but when you are in such a confused state, it is hard to see the difference. Which then leads to more confusion and reacting on your part.
Also, you are still worried about receiving D papers and the actual D. While this is NORMAL, it is not healthy for you. YOU are living in a state of FEAR that he may have created but you are perpetuating.
As you continue to live like this, again, you will begin to see your life stagnating, feel more and more like you are losing all sense of control over you, feel lost, cycling, and waiting for HIM to make some sort of decision for you.
I know you read the door mat thread. Jack talked about people who just flounder and do nothing productive with this time. People who WASTE this opportunity, that they have NOT asked for, do NOT deserve, but cannot SEE that it is an opportunity because they ALLOW themselves to become stuck in a “holding pattern.”
You are not waiting for clearance to land….
At least I hope not…
D, step back, take a deep breath, and STOP worrying if you are going to get D’d. It is just a piece of paper. Just ask Trapt and some of the others. The dance continues in MLC…
Continuing as you are, the chance of a rebuilt M, gets slimmer and slimmer.
NOT because of your H…
BUT because of YOU.
You will get tired much quicker this way. You will NOT outlast the MLC this way. You will not grow and heal and you will be Divorced (yes I said the whole word), because you will quit.
And, you will always wonder. Because healing will come after the fact. And with that will come the what if questions. What if I had done it differently? What if I had listened and learned? What if I had just let him be for a while?
You will never know the answers to those questions if you keep going the way you are now.
Don’t keep going in a way that is going to take you down a path of regret…
No one hear, not even HB, can tell you what the future holds with regards to your M. It takes two people, two people with free will, to learn, grow, heal, and choose. Right now, while it is coming from a very fukced up place, you H is choosing himself.
When are you going to choose YOU?
(((((hugs))))
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
