Pam,

It takes a lot of work to change the usual way we think...it becomes second nature to us and hard to stop.

That's one of the major reasons I believe a GOOD therapist can be invaluable to you.

In my opinion it not only has to do with self talk (which is vital) but also the basic Mistaken Beliefs that underlie the negative self talk.

For example:

"I'm basically unlovable"
"I'm not worthy of happiness"
"I'm "broken" somehow"
"No one can be trusted"
"The world is full of pain"

Now you might think...how are these mistaken beliefs? Because they ARE...they themselves represent a black and white view of the world.

One thing I did was begin to actively CHALLENGE these beliefs: AM i basically unlovable?....NO....(then I would list all the people who DO love me)

Can NO ONE be trusted? NO...my parents, my siblings, most of my friends, are eminently trustworthy

Am I "not worthy" of happiness? of COURSE not! We are ALL worthy of love and happiness...such a belief is BLATANTLY false.

Again, Pam, this whole thing takes WORK and PRACTISE...I've been actively doing so since the fall of 1998...

Shiny