robx, I saw your comments on BillM's thread and, rather than continue the discussion on his thread, I decided it would be better to respond here. In case you do not know who I am, I am Bworl's wife. I, too, am a former DB'er. I just wanted to set the record straight on a few things.
I am supportive of Bill and the decisions that have been made concerning his son. No, living apart the first two years of marriage is not the "ideal" situation and, Yes, I would much rather we were living together. But, Bill and I discussed things thoroughly before we ever made the decision to marry. In fact, I knew about the commitments Bill had made to his son before marriage was even an option for us. And, in a few months, he will be selling his house, packing his belongings, and leaving his job and his sons in Indiana to move to North Carolina to live with me and my children. He has made the same commitments to my children that he made to his son. My children will be able to finish school and graduate with their friends. After my youngest graduates, Bill and I will then decide where WE want to live. Until then we are both trying to honor our children. Truth be told, I could have packed up and moved out there; but, I wanted my children to have the same things that Bill wanted for his son.
Yes, we could have waited until this summer, after his son graduated, to marry. And, we did discuss our options. But, neither of us wanted to wait. We knew what the first two years would hold for us, as far as living apart is concerned. And, yes, it has been difficult at times. But, only because we love each other and we would like to be together. But, all of that will happen soon.
While our marriage is not the norm, I think we have shown all our children that we are commited to one another and to our marriage. They know we love each other. And, once we are living togehter, they will see how marriage is between two people who love, respect, and care deeply for one another. I think all of our children (we have 5 between the two of us) know the sacrifices we have made and I think that they respect us for making the choices we have made.
I feel very much that our marriage is on a strong foundation. We have a marriage that is based on love, honesty, commitment, and communication. And, even more importantly, we have a marriage based on faith...in one another and in God.
Please understand, I am not putting up with anything. I am married to a man that I love, respect, and cherish. I made the decision to live this way knowing that one day we would be together. I do not regret the choices we have made and I would do it all again.
Robx, you are certainly entitled to your opinions; but, until you have walked in our shoes, or gotten to know us personally, please do not pass such harsh judgments on us. Bworl and I have both been through the pain and ugliness of a divorce. Now, we want to experience the beauty of marriage. And, we would like nothing more than to help others who are going through that same pain and suffering that we once felt. No one has all the answers. There is no right and wrong. There are lots of similarites but every situation is unique. We can only offer advice based on our own personal experiences.
I'm sorry that you feel Bworl has a chip on his shoulders. That just shows how little you really know about him. I can tell you he has a far better relationship with his ex than I have with mine because he has handled his situation with integrity. He is truly a wise man, if you would just give him a chance.
