This is precisely my point, Eric: How are YOU going to fix and save your M singlehandedly when your W is not equipped right now to even address her own issues? She's not even willing to admit to herself that she HAS any issues, preferring instead to indulge in a dalliance with an OM. I'm sure you know by now that this is far from uncommon for the MLC spouse.
What if she is not an MLCer but rather a WAS. I know that at the end of the day I still need to work on my demons but I could do that while separated. But then again...that is the controlling side of me. You see I want to KNOW where I stand and I now know that I need to learn to be comfortable with the unknown.
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He thinks he's pulled a "fast one" on everybody and gotten the "girl of his dreams", but let me ask you this, Eric: If your W doesn't have anything to give to you, R wise, M wise....what makes you think that she has anything to give to anybody else? (I think if you were to dig even deeper, you'd find that this is the case with ALL of her relationships, friends and family included!) If you can have the presence of mind to step away from your anger towards her and the OM to see the big picture for even the briefest of moments, the canvas will change in a way that can transform your anger into compassion.
Good point but for the record I still want to knock em both out
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This is how I lost "me" in my M - letting her go was a direct attack on my self worth and self identity. I NEEDED her to validate ME as a person! But that's not her role - it's not fair to her and it's sure as hell not fair to myself.
I've read enough of your thread to know about your abandonment issues in your past. Could you have fallen into that same self-fallacy that I did? Only you can answer that question for yourself.
You are correct Jimbo. I looked for W to validate me, support me, be mother, wife, lover, friend and just about everything else. So I acknowledge the errors of my ways - why then should I stay and continue to be punished for it. Why should I stay in an enviornment where I feel like crap...oh...my kids that's why. Sorry a little more anger.
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Only in making the changes FOR YOU will you change yourself, and maybe, just maybe, show your W that Eric ain't such a bad dude to be with after all!
You know it's that damn "maybe, maybe" that's the tough part. Okay I'll breath now....and continue to be patient.
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If you haven't discovered it by now, you'll find that what she feels (about EVERYTHING!) changes from day to day, sometimes from even second to second! (YES. NO LIE. THAT FAST.) The reason being, is that SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS! You are not going to "solve" this for her. Only she can do that for herself. MLC is a totally irrational world that you can not apply rational thoughts to!
Actually in her case she has been pretty consistent. D...D...D - emotionally detach...emotionally detach. This is probably the one reason why I feel that she is more of a WAS than MLC - but in either case I know I need to change.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
