This is so interesting. I'm inspired by how many men here care enough about their children to become the primary parent.
Most divorced guys I know are prowling the community college for teenagers, shacking up in a pathetic "bachelor pad" and stuffing every spare dollar into the garter of the girl at the strip joint to bother parenting.
It's been really good to see so many (you are one of many) men who care enough to be caregivers when their marriages are on the rocks. I ordinarily think I'm the only one.
You're doing a good job in my opinion. Your wife is miserable, but she did it to herself. Yes, the sex stuff hurts for a while, but after a while you start to think of it as a sort of messy handshake more than an invasion of your privacy. If she wants to debase herself, it's really nobody's problem but hers.
M:40 W:40 2 teenagers ILYBNILWY: 09 January 2010 soon to be walking away my situation
Thanks , She and daughter are on good terms after the quiet talk,(following the argument). Unfortunately for our M, her world is getting better with the kids and she still gets to live her fantasy. Her guilt bothers her some, but she was telling d "I'm right with God" --d is still trying to get her to at least come back to church, but she's making excuses. I think she's so "love-chemicalled" up and codependent on OM that I don't really know if there's hope for our marriage. I've been GAL as much as I can, but the girls need me to be home b/c they are having a hard time, also. I'm feeling really discouraged...
M:48 W:35 S:16 D:15 D:10 Md: 12 & 1/2 years bomb: Jan 8 ? she moved out about then also Moved in w/OM soon after
I know it's hard, but GAL with your children. Use the timer on your camera to get photos of yourself having fun with them, and then put the photos on your fridge to remind you that you can GAL and be a great dad at the same time. It sounds goofy, but it's helping me to see that I'm not as pathetic as I feel sometimes.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I have been taking them to play softball and some things. Also, we talk a lot and watch movies. I feel pretty pathetic, myself lately. I did look up an old girlfriend, however. We were together for about 7 years a bit prior to my getting married. I had broken all contact with her to please the wife, etc. The ex-girlfriend has cancer that has metastasized and she's on chemo. It doesn't sound good for her. I am trying to be a friend to her. We were quite close at one time. She's only 41. I have only spoken to her on the phone, so far. Her condition really makes me sad, also.
M:48 W:35 S:16 D:15 D:10 Md: 12 & 1/2 years bomb: Jan 8 ? she moved out about then also Moved in w/OM soon after
WOW! I'm so glad you posted! I am really having a hard time today. W posted stuff on her Facebook about how her boyfriend is "so freakin' fine and all mine", etc. Then later she posted about how "Jesus died for all of us" and she's not afraid to "take center stage for Jesus"--like her relationship with God is supposed to be okay! I started a reply comment about: How can you commit adultery, live w/the guy, destroy your family, etc. --trying to justify it b/c you're "in love/lust" and claim to be a Christian. This is another one of those 'seems like a good idea at the time' mistakes--the BIGGEST one you ever made-sad part is you may not realize it for quite a while.
I didn't post it, though.
My daughters are getting baptized Sunday-and surprisingly, she says she's coming. They accepted the Lord a short time back, and this is the public profession of it, you know... S Wife will probably stay tight with her sister and parents(parents don't approve of her actions, lately, but are trying to keep loving contact with her). BUT this is the first time she has been to church since affair, etc. I don't have false hopes she will have a change of heart, or anything, but I don't want to post that comment and make a mess for my daughters. I was also just hurt and angry. My mmom says it won't last with the guy, but how long?? They were close friends for the last few years. My daughters are trying to get me to shop for a new Mama. My 15yr old says she can "see the pain in my eyes'. I've been doing a little socializing--(no dates). Young pretty girl from work keeps wanting me to go out to Hooters for drinks w/her. I might go for the social outing, but not further. (My girls like her 'cause she has four-wheelers) My buddy's telling me typical guy advice involving her and me back at her apt. That doesn't seem wise, however, it's flattering to have flirting and attention when I feel discarded and unattractive. I have been getting clothes, working on appearance, etc. It is really hard to get detached, when she is at the house w/kids lots of afternoons while I am at work... or shows up in AM to take a daughter to school. I know they need to see her, but she avoids me and doesn't even text or speak, if possible. I did buy myself and the girls a playstation 3 blue-ray to replace our broken dvd player. D15 is ecstatic about that. Wife will be angry, I'm sure, as money is tight with her and the boyfriend. She's always spent too much, and in just the last few weeks, I have more funds since she has had to buy (or charge on her cards) her own dresses, purses, jewelry, Vict Secret, Starbucks, etc. but then tells the girls she doesn't have money for Dairy Queen fast food for them. This makes them angry with her--- Anyways, I would greatly appreciate any advice, as it seems like it's really over, but the pain is excruciating sometimes, and even if I file, I don't think the pain will go. What else can I do??
M:48 W:35 S:16 D:15 D:10 Md: 12 & 1/2 years bomb: Jan 8 ? she moved out about then also Moved in w/OM soon after
d15 has softball practice tonight fm 7-8:30. Then she has 2 softball games Saturday AM --and d10 has a school carnival. I have to squeeze in some work in there somewhere, maybe from 4pm - 7pm --doesn't help w/my GAL as far as socializing, but I gotta keep taking care of their stuff! I've also been phone-talking with the ex-fiancee' who has cancer. She needs all the friends she can get, right now. She has brought up religion, but we haven't gone too deep, yet. She has been giving it a lot of thought, lately, of course.
M:48 W:35 S:16 D:15 D:10 Md: 12 & 1/2 years bomb: Jan 8 ? she moved out about then also Moved in w/OM soon after
Stark, I know it's difficult, but stop following her on Facebook. It's only going to make things worse for you and in your mind.
If you're not ready to file for D, then don't do it.
That is great that you're there for your sick friend.
Since you're having an especially bad day, plan something for youself this weekend. Ddoesn't have to be anything extravagant... just grab a bite to eat with a friend, take a long hot shower, or just rent a movie that makes you laugh.
