An example of how the sitter works is this :

Assuming yoru husband has them for three hours

You hire a sitter for 4.0 hours

Your H is scheduled to pick them up at 4pm
and to return them at 7 pm

You ask the sitter to arrive at 330 pm to get the kids ready...

YOU LEAVE at 345.

You leavea NOTE to H that the vistiation will work thru a sitter from now on.. and ANY emergencies will to to the HOUSE phone and the sitter... teh SITTER will contact you from that point for any emergency..

While they are gone the sitter helps clean up the home, prepare the kids dinner, or whatever, just ensure the sitter keeps busy for the three hours.

at 7 pm your H returns again with the children and he LEAVES.. ANY info he wants YOU to have he gives to the sitter in a written note, or hte sitter writes the note, it matters little.

The sitter calls YOu from HER cell to your cell and tells you the kids are home safe and that H is gone.

THEN you come home, pay the sitter and send her off... LOCK teh DOOR...do NOT let your H IN.

If your Husband just shows up later that night, and he WILL - TELL him his visitation is OVER and that he does NOT live there and he must LEAVE. Turn the TV on LOUD, tell him if he doens't leave you call the police.

This is NOT that hard, if youc an find a marriae-friendly freind who understands your sitation to do the vistation exchange that's great too... just STOP trying to do it yourself...

You are NOT helping your children OR your marriage by doing the one step - twostep here..

You need to make a COMMITMENT to No contact and keep it, you MUST see the parallel here with YOu not keeping YOUR commitment to no contact and your HUSBAND not keeping his commitment to his marraige... its the SAME problem.

Set an example of commitment by NOT letting him CONTACT you. It WILL drive him CRAZY and FORCE him to end his affair...

It may take several weeks, but with your commitment statement written and in his hand, he KNOWS what he needs to do to change the arrangement for hte beter.

THe NO CONTACT setup you HAVE is a GLIMPSE of DIVORCE... he will NOT like it...

SHOW him what he is headed for with an opportunity to AVOID it and he WILL take the steps he needs to keep his family...

But YOU need to follow through on this... if you break down and let him IN you SPOIL the entire strategy and put him right back itno his affair and his addiction again.