Well, your wife isnt' HIDING her affair.. she's made it public... So you have proof in court to argue a case for that extra $$ in my opinion.
It all depends on the law in your area and I am NOT a lawyer by any stretch... I was suggesting that on priniple, not as a legal entitlement...
if YOU pay for the WHOLE wedding and SHE cheats and ENDS the marriage... I would definitely be asking for a REFUND on that wedding ... WITH INTEREST...
Make SURE you collect some HARD PROOF of her affair before you get into legal stuff with her.. she WILL DENY it if she finds it to be legal achilles heel...
Your wife doens't hate you... she's messed up in the head and hates herself... she projects that onto you, but its her trust me...
Don't take ANYTHING she says or does as an ATTACK right now, she's ADDICTED... you CANNOT get PERSONAL with an addict... if you DO you get sucked into their addiction and you are BOTH addicted..
step OUT of that and find peace in your indifference.
As for being committed to the END, being committed means warning her she's making a bad choice, and leaving her to act as she chooses... she WILL crash and burn and THAT is when you will be vindicated...
She will be miserable, doubly so becuase her x-husband TOLD her it would fail and she laughed at him...
It WILL fail, all you can do is warn her, and then walk away. Not callously, just warn her and then get OUT.. she's addicted, so don't get into a conversation with her.. its a WASTE of your energy.
I know that my state is no fault- I will speak w/ L about these things though.
I just read that 20% of women marry their lovers...that's pretty crazy!
I have done the concerned H thing- it's ironic that although I know where my motives are and my respect, I come off as the STBX in deep denial claiming self-righteousness...oh well.
I've maintained NC now for a bit and will continue to do so.
I do hope that it crash and burns- there is no M now and I have no W.
I did however read a few sitches in D but not done, and I was elated to read some success stories...particularly those where the XW was embarrassed by her double life...
I will make that last stand and warn W...but not anytime soon.
Something will obviously happen- she's giving up an awful lot, not saying I'm the greatest catch- and the sad truth is the facts of the failure- I don't think too many people can sucessfully ignore that for too long
Long term relationships and Marriages borne out of affairs succeed less than 5% of the time, I have read as much as less than 1% of the time by some analysts...
Her excitement for this man will die at some point, and his for her likely even soner... and THEN the only thing keeping those two afloat will be their maturity level... They are on a sinking ship rotting at its core... they will fail.. it may take a while, but it will fail, they always do.
Don't worry about how you LOOK when the people looking at you are a bunch of ignorant children who enable infidelity and even celebrate it
You can thank Hollywood and the misic industry for romanticizing excitement and passing it off as "happiness" for decades.. the market is rife with that nonsense...
Serendipity You've Got Mail Sleepless in Seattle Wedding Crashers
These films ALL ENDORSE sacrificing security and history for imipulse and excitement.. ironically they HEAVILY DOWNPLAY the waste and damage resulting from this escapism, and even try to pass it off as if it doens't do any damage at all...
These people you are surrounded by were educated on material such as the above... dont' expect respect from people so ignorant as ot believe romantic nonsense like that. You are tossing pearls before swine.
The purpose of maintaining a hold of your integrity is not for public appearance so much as for logn term peace of mind. If YOU WARN her and it fails three years from now, then you can rest at night.. if you don't warn her and even sign off on the escapism telling her you want her to be happy... when it failes, YOU will be implicated in her failure because you endorsed it.
The best think you can do is maintain your integrity and issue a solid warning and then GET OUT of the WAY.
Her entire social circle is enabling her addiction rather than supporting her in ending it... You can't fight city hall.
Once the addiction does end, and it will... THEN you can tell her "I told you so"...
The best way to respond to her infidelity is to hold onto your integrity like a lifeline and find peace in your life without her until the plane lands.
If at THAT time you DO want her back, tha'ts your choice, but I would NOT reccomend it withotu a VERY careful look at her lifestyle and social circle at the time ... if she is still acting like a teenager and hanging around marriage-threatening people then you know the risk YOU are taking full well then.
I was thinking about the ferocious pace of her A...obv she was dead set on it since this is OM2. OM1 rejected her thanks to me and his GF- now she's rubbing her R in his face and being "bratty" to him. Knowing that he won't so much as speak to her she insists on saying a shreiky "HIIIIIIIIII!" everytime she sees him.
With that said- the emotional maturity of she and OM2 are not something that will sustain much for long.
When I mentioned the pace- it was an embraced (R- I mean affair)very quickly. Met the mother w/in a week, etc etc.
Two people whom were the pursuers of D, two people prob both seeking D due to "feelings", and a red hot A to mark their new journey. The brightest flame burns quickest- as James Hettfield says...
Once more is the issue of jumping right into something - I know it's the addiction aspect...I'm pretty curious to see what happens.
Again, thanks for your input. Once served I'll be posting elsewhere, hope you find me- you've been very helpful
This is just part of your great journey Maynard. A bump in the road. One where you will learn many lessons. And hopefully gain the wisdom to not repeat the mistakes
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Thanks Cutter- I am seeing more and more clearly now- sure Mrs. maynard is still very much on my mind- call it love, devotion, protection, or concern...
But I'm no longer finding the rejection to be draining me like I had let it before. I'm finding solace in my vows and in my hope for providing a better M in the future- having read many M books, Communication, Esteem, Spirituality, Codependancy, etc etc.
I viewed OMs FB page- He's violently ill and asking for non prescribed prescription drugs
Not a post I would be happy about at 41ys old...
Not a lifestyle I'd want anyone I love to be involved in- but they have to make their own choices
Since talking nice to you doesn't work... here comes a different tone of voice:
What the FARK are you doing looking at OM's FB page? Why the FARK are you obsessing about affair statistics? Why the FARK are you not DISCONNECTING?
You need to DETACH. Do you farking get it?
That means:
1) You don't give a shirt about your WAW and what she's doing. 2) You don't give a shirt about how she greets OM1 3) You don't give a shirt about ANYTHING BUT YOU.
Look bud, I know it's hard, but you've GOT TO DO IT. Stop talking about her, thinking about her and get FARKING busy with YOUR LIFE.
As for OM1/2... they aren't the problem. SHE IS. She is broken, farked in the head and there's NOTHING you can do about it. Just drop the FARKING rope already.
- Don't worry about warning her about what a big mistake she is making. - Stop fantasizing about the best words to use when you see her again.
She farked up. Big time. Whatever the fark she has done, is doing, and is going to do with her life IS NO LONGER YOUR CONCERN. You are going to move forward.
Sorry, bud but handling you with kid gloves doesn't seem to get the point across to you.
It's not about her anymore, it's all about you.
Do you get the POINT NOW?
Last edited by Gnosis; 02/26/1007:56 PM. Reason: Speeling & Punktuition
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I have become very used to my sitch and yes- even to the point of obscessing.
The difference now is that it's not tearing me down like before- I am seeing that she is broken, and I am seeing that although I am thinking of her while she is definately not thinking of me- that my thoughts are no longer "woe is me."
You are absolutely right- it is better for me to not concern myself in anything having to do w/ her.
