Remember what you did when you saw the first flicker of positive response from her. You see, the first time so many men actually apply a tiny bit of toughness and man-up to their WAW...and see her "respond"....then he's scared to death to proceed--afaid he'll go too far! Don't you realize that "if" you actually have her looking on the computer for local MC's, then you've done something right? You need to continue.....don't stop!
I do think that I did something right in that exchange b/c that is the first time she has ever willingly looked at MC and relationship articles. She has even read the majority of Surviving an Affair too. On the other hand, she has not mentioned a word to me about any of this so really don't know if it means anything. I think that what I did right was to send a truth dart her way. When I confronted, she said "we aren't together anymore" and I told her that we are still married, that she is having an A and that this is not working for me. If anything, I think that exchange may have penetrated the fog.
Should I follow this up soon with additional boundary setting re: OM or do I let her continue to read and think. I really did see how the tough love thing achieved a response and that this is definitely the way to get through to WAS. OTOH, I want to make sure that I don't push her away by coming on too strong. The thing that I struggle with is how to balance the warm and friendly (being that my problem was that I was withdrawn and depressed) versus the tough love stance?
Originally Posted By: sandi2
I keep telling you that she wants a strong man who she can respect. She doesn't want anyone she can use as a doormat.
I'm listening and I am getting stronger. I want me to be a stronger man and I will accept nothing less than continuous improvement in this area. I already see people reacting different with me when I make an effort in this area. Other women are starting to pay attention to me more now that I am not walking around with a defeated look on my face. This is confidence builder!
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Let me add this, don't ever fail to give enough credit to what a woman can think to do or "play" her H. I don't want to sound negative or dash your hopes, but I want you to be wise and know that she will test you!
I did consider this. It stinks to think she would stoop that low but I've been burned by her actions enough now that I take any hopeful sign with a grain of salt.
