Calling out the Piecers

[dday101798]

I'm with ya'll and mostly reconcilled is on-board with how I feel. I do, from time to time get that 'spunk' and am comfortable with it, but, a majority of the time, I am not, for some reason it just feels trashy in my mindset.

As said, this has been an issue before, and dealt with before and we tried different things here and there and things were great.

Does it mean I love the woman any less, absolutely not, that is the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my life.

I guess when life stops throwing challenges at us and especialy our own place, there is plenty of room to work on this.

That's if we get there.

Reason A for me saying that: I don't know what it is, but ever since getting back together, I just don't have any stamina for her. I don't know if it's the 'excitement' of thinking, "I'm making love with my wife again" or what. I've tried to talk with her about it, but she's been rather quiet about it and says "it's ok".

Reason B and most importantly a new development that may just shut everything down:

I've been battling a cold all week long that has left me stuffy and unable to breath through my nose for the majority of the time. This especially does not help my already bad snoring at night.

Well last night after a rough night with both boys, (x)W jsut wanted to lay down and watch some TV and relax. After I had cleaned up everything from dinner I asked her if she wanted to have a cigarette with me before getting settled in. She said no and begged me not to either and just stay with her, and I did. Both of us ended up falling asleep while cuddling for an hour or so.

At some point in the middle of night, I awoke to (x)W taking her coat off and coming back to bed. Said she was having trouble sleeping saying I was snoring too loud for her and breathing erraticly and had her worried. I apologized and let her sleep in a bit this morning while I showered and what not.

And here's where the fit hit the shan.

I woke (x)W up this morning after my shower as requested by her, but it was apparently a bit on the late side for her and she was mad. Sooooo, I woke S11 up and told him to please find his own clothes and stay out of mom's way because she's mad that I let her sleep in after I had kept her up all night. S11's response? "No, she didn't sleep all night because she went out with [catalyst friend]".

So when (x)W was up and moving about and came to get her cup of coffee, I casually with no attitude or anything asked her 'when did you go out with [catalyst friend]?'. (x)W explodes and goes on the defensive saying that she told me she was "going out" but didn't go out and jsut sat out in front in [catalyst's friend's] truck for about an hour.

This is alarming. This is shades of her behavior before the A was exposed. She knows that if you don't wake me up just right, you could tell me the house is on fire and I'll simply say "ok honey, thanks" and go right back to sleep as I'm not really awake. She claims she told me when she 'woke me up' that she was going to hang out for a a little bit.

I don't know what to think. She blew up about it, I was calm. She later apologized saying that if I hadn't yelled at her about it, she wouldn't have exploded. I said I didn't yell, and especially on the subject at hand, she'd KNOW when I'm yelling.

Why blow up about it? Why be so defensive of something that is supposed to be nothing? I asked her that very question and all she could say was if I hadn't "yelled at her" (which I didn't at all), she wouldn't be.

I'm pretty nerved right now.