I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[avermont]

Oooh, I totally could not deal with DINNER as a first date. Chewing. Chewing and trying to talk. Just the two of us across a table. YIKES!

I definitely need an exterior focus--thus the bowling, or mini-golf, or at least a museum.

But here I am jumping the gun--ain't hardly been offered a date yet!

But talia, just letting you know I just read thru your whole thread. A fast and amazing journey. Kudos to you.

And here's to running in the snow. Because it makes you feel SO TOUGH!!

[chatterbug]

Aver do the men around you chew like a cow ???

[hhh]

Don't meant to hijack but Aver, maybe this could be a good 180 for you (in another sense of the word - not for your M but doing things differently in general?) Someone might propose it to you anyway. I agree dinner might be a bit much, so how about just a glass or wine or coffee? That way you're also committed to just an hour (where bowling could be a lot longer...)

Something doing things - anything - different can be a lot of fun. Example - i'm not a huge jewelry person and usually wear very small stuff, if anything. Went to one of those jewelry party/brunches on Sunday and bought this crazy wild fun - loud -necklace. Perhaps part of my new look as I embark upon this next chapter? A friend was there - also going through D - and she said 'you need to buy things that 'pop' more' as part of your "D Makeover". Sound advice. Just small things to challenge yourself in different ways can be good...doing anything different, new skill, hobby, purchase, whatever. nothing to small to be a tad empowering.

Can't wait to hear updates on dates/progress!
hugs,
hhh

[talia]

I think I might have missed an interesting opportunity to win some control yesterday.... UGH


So H emailed me 3 times since Monday asking for a a status update on our 2009 taxes. As per not so recent postings - I've been NC and ignoring any request that isn't a phone call. After 3 days - H send me a text asking me to call him last night when I was available and fill him in. BIG 180 for him - finally giving in on something I decided on Tuesday - thanks to you guys - I didn't give a crap about anymore.
I thought about it a whole bunch - I planned on calling him and then I chickened out and texted him a quick update. I didn't want to get into a long discussion with him. I was afraid of what else he might ask or what he might say. Plus I was at work all evening and couldn't really talk.

So today - just now on my lunch break - I called and left him an update message with an explanation. I'm not sure it was the right thing to do... UGH. Now I'm second guessing that decision. I want the more personal contact because its easier for me - I work better on the fly. I over think things if I have the time. It was a quick friendly breezy message - just telling him sorry I couldn't call last night - stuck at work - I was working on the taxes and I'd send him a copy when they were done. Just wanted to leave him a quick message and if he had any questions to give me a call otherwise have a great weekend.

I hate the fact that I can't seem to decide what a happy medium is. Its either fix the marriage - or F YOU.... and I'm really on the fence about fixing the marriage. Obviously I'm not nearly as clear about my feelings ALL the time... I think I'm to the indifferent part and then something happens to pull me back to the "not so sure what I want" part...

I hate not knowing how best to handle things. I don't want to be super B!tch but at the same time I just really don't want to give him one second of my time - for ANY reason. That's totally unrealistic because we need to deal with joint stuff whether I like it or not....

It seems that I'm moving forward when He's not interacting with me... Out of sigh and out of mind... But when we are interacting I start second guessing where I'm at and if I'm doing the right thing by giving up on DBing and moving toward the D... then I think moving toward the D IS DBing because there isn't anything else I can do anyway.... AND now my head hurts...

Now I'm all crabby in general... mad at myself ... mad at H for causing this entire situation... - everything.

I hate bad days....


T

[Wholeagain]

((( talia )))
All your feelings are normal. Just don't show them when you're interacting with H.

[talia]

Spy just emailed me....

Got this Text from H today just now... apparently he hasn't gotten my message....

"Got a TEXT last night from talia .... damn what A hypocrite ... was it so damn tough to text me? I thought you said she'd call."

UGH.......

Spy responded...

Hate to break it to you, but we talked this morning about how she wanted to CALL you but got caught up at work. So the texted instead."



THIS WHOLE THING SUCKS.... WHY do I feel so bad???


T

[blownaway65]

(((Tal))) It's those damn waves.

Seems like they're getting smaller, but still there - and every now and then you get a big one that crashes over and drags you under for a bit.

Whole's right, it's fine to have them, just don't show H - and don't rush !

[Wholeagain]

We are human beings, we have feelings. I as of that moment want to punch my H.

I think I wouldn't talk about H with the spy. I would feed an info such as "I had an awesome time dancing out on a date last night". The message that you want that spy to convey is that your H is not your priority anymore, "talia has not mentioned you once", if there is something that he wants to get done with you, such as taxes, he has to do something to sort it out.

Don't you just hate when they expect you to be their secretary?

[talia]

I feel like I just got hit with a damn Tidal wave!!!

I just laughed with Spy and said "Oh Well - Its sad I can't be at his beck and call... Pesky Job" and left it at that!! I've been VERY clear with spy - overly clear - that I'm done with H - he's not worth my time - I don't think he deserves one second of my thoughts.. That I am done done done. NONE of these back and forth emotions are things he see's - I can't trust him! The benefit - spy reads H very well and gives good insight in general - I just no longer care about what that insight might allow me to do...
He does know that I'm going out with men I've met at various hobby like functions recently... but I'm not calling them dates.

I can't trust spy so I only share things I want H to know/hear. I think its ironic the min I DON'T care how he communicates he makes a big deal about communication the way I've wanted him to for 6 months!! I CAN'T WIN....Selfish ingrate...

I AM NOT HIS SECRETARY.....

[hhh]

Talia,
POWER to you! Let's throw a 'DONE' party! I think you should go out and do something really nice for yourself this weekend..treat yourself...even if it's just something small.

It's been a roller coaster yes, (for me more b/c of overanalyzing everything), but I think I can truly just about say I'm over it. H has shown who he has become and this is NOT someone I want to be with... partys over and I moving on..

Do what you need to do to make yourself happy b/c that's the most imp't thing you need to do right now.
Big hugs ((T))
-hhh