Question

[awest1217]

Yeah, but he still is very distant. We talked, texted a bit tonight...actually right around S's bed time. I have to take my time to talk to him, but he can't for me... Anyway more talk about his stupid tests. I have finals this week and a new trimester to prepare for, plus a son to take care of and make sure he goes on the potty, a house to shovel, and clean and...well you all understand, and he complains about his job. I said it would all be good and let him know I have confidence in his ability to teach. He said thanks

He brought up getting boxes so I asked if he knew where he was moving to, he said he didn't know. He is going to wait until after next week, and it might not be enough time if he doesn't come home (which I doubt more and more will happen and I don't want him saying the weekend of, Oh I am coming home), most apartment complexes need a little more than a week's notice, but that is his problem, not mine. He also said he hung out with OW on Saturday after I asked again. Sunday he was so sick so he stayed in bed all day. Must be nice to not have to do anything but stay in bed when you have a head ache....like I have had all week.

Last thing with H, I was on FB and was looking at stuff when I saw one of his old friends posted some stuff that was to say the least questionable. Definitely some allusions to past times doing things that should not have been done. I was texting H at the time and just told him that he might want to remove it before others saw it and asked questions. He did and I just left it at that. He never said sorry or thank you or anything. Just continued with the conversation.

S had another accident free day so I am happy. This potty thing is getting easier each day. : ) Soon off to a bath because I have a headache and a very tight back.

Feeling kind of hopeless and neglected, but had a good night with S and only a little farther to go. (also PMS so definitely playing with the hormones and emotions)

[Lucky11too]

Hope S had another good day! If nothing else, his accomplishments can make a bad day seem good. You are doing excellent at being positive and supportive of him. Not good that he spent Saturday with OW, but at least he told you the truth about it. More lies would be the end. Not sure what's up with the FB postings, but in general, it's good to let the past be the past as long as it doesn't become the future again!

[awest1217]

Long story and not wanting to talk much about it, but it was a bad day at work and it made me just lose it about everything. H came over for dinner and it was nice. We talked and hung out like always and it was just like always, like he never left and normal. I did let him know how my dad said this weekend that if he comes home he wants H to hang out with the family because he doesn't hold anything against him. H said that means a lot to him. My step-dad (dad) was never a huge supporter of H, but for him to say that is huge because dad is a big jerk. H was kind and caring. When he left, he gave me a hug and said how he loved me lots, and forever and ever. It was so nice.

Bad part is H now has more meetings for this crisis intervention conference. Supposedly he is going this Friday and Saturday (conveniently when OW and H could be out doing who knows what). I don't know how to bring up that I want proof, but not be too over the top. He is goign to be gone this Friday and Saturday until around 4 then the 16th and 17th of march. The second two dates ok, but these two are a little fishy. H seems more and more like he is going to come home, but I am still on the fence. We need to have a good talk before it happens and I need to hear from him what he is going to do to come home. 2 more weeks and this is over or at least this part. I don't know if you are ever done, but maybe we can finally move past this part.


Have another huge headache again....off to my bath (shower still isn't fixed )

[ClingingToHope]

Baths are more relaxing than showers anyway.

[awest1217]

Not when you have long hair and can't rinse off in the shower, plus I need the steam to help this headache.

So I decided to e-mail H this morning about my concerns for this weekend. I have kept quiet on the smaller issues because they really are smaller and me being nit picky, but this is big so I wanted to let him know. Plus I didn't sleep well because I kept dreaming about H and OW in Indy together and other things, S woke up at 11 and came to bed with me, and finally this headache won't let up.

I told H that I was worried about this weekend and how convenient it is that it is exactly when OW's H will be gone and some other things. I was very much about me and let him know that these are my fears. I also let him know that I just want some reassurance that this is really a work thing and not something else. I also put in that I am still very scared that he is going to choose to not come home and hasn't told me yet. I explained this is a good chance to work on trust and I am working really hard to trust him and this time am just at an inpass that I can't get through myself. I said instead of getting mean and holding a grudge I am trying to show him I am vulnerable and need his help.

He text me, after he asked about my morning and I said that I e-mailed him, that he just won't go. Totally missed the point! I explained while in a rush that I never thought I didn't want him to go, it was just that i needed some reassurance that this is a work thing. He finally got it and sent me the e-mail from his principal saying the dates and everything. I then sent him a text saying thank you and how much it means to me that he did that. I know he is all about privacy, but sometimes I need to know things so I feel good about what I did, and I feel good that he didn't get mad. When he went off the deep end, I said no that is not what I want or what I meant and restated what I was trying to say. Then he still said if it is a problem he just won't go. I let him know that I didn't want him to miss out on this opportunity and I was proud that although this is for counselors and principals, his principal invited him to come along. I said it is a great honor and I am proud that you have gotten to a point where this could happen.

This is the first interaction where we have had to deal with a serious issue and never fought, never brought up the past, never did anything negative. I expressed my feelings, he went too far (which he did a lot and finally stopped asking to do things because he just figured I would say no, when I wouldn't have), then we brought it back and really came to a good decision that works for both of us.

Yeah! Two more weeks and hopefully this will just keep being an on going process leading to a good relationship filled with trust and love.

[Lucky11too]

haha, totally get that about baths. I have long hair too. Baths are great once in a while just to sit and relax, but for the daily cleaning, definitely need a shower! So I guess no luck on H fixing it yet then? Maybe since he is going to be out of town this weekend, you could see if it would be ok for your dad to help out with it (I know H wanted to do it, but if he's anything like my H it will be months before it ever gets fixed, so him being out of town could be a good excuse to get outside help - if he wouldn't be too offended by that...)

Great interaction this morning! You handled that very well. It was a big issue to you and you addressed it calmly and came to a peaceful resolution. Hopefully, this gave H a chance to see that you are will to work thru this with him not against him. (Awesome to see that he really was telling the truth too. Yay, that means no time with OW this weekend either!)

Sorry yesterday was such a horrible day, but hopefully this is a great start to a great day! =)

[awest1217]

Nothing big yesterday. H has kept his bargain of letting me know what is going on this weekend and when things are happening. I asked him about going to a mutual friend's b-day dinner and he said he didn't know because he didn't know if he would be back in time. That is completely possible since the conference doesn't end until 3 and as long as he left at 3...he would still not be back until 6 and the dinner is at 6:30 so all very close. I told him I would tell them to reserve a seat for him and if things get done early and he could make it, there would be a place for him.

Otherwise a weekend with my family. Puppet show tonight at our old church. My grandma's tomorrow morning and the dinner tomorrow night. Sunday is church and I said something to H about doing something, but with his "sinus headaches" I am not planning on us doing anything so one day to relax at home. I have a ton of ironing to catch up on so not a problem with me. Maybe I can find the spout I want and fix the spout myself...maybe...

[awest1217]

H did alright this weekend, but as soon as he got home...he stopped texting me or answering his phone, and today...nothing. I am not surprised.

In other news. S is still doing well potty training as long as I don't get distracted and not put him on the potty. 2 accidents today because I was busy...FIXING MY SHOWER! That is right! I fixed the shower all by myself. I did dent the new, cheap spout a little, but it was a $12 spout and isn't very sturdy, but at least now I can take a shower. I am very proud of myself.

[Lucky11too]

Wow! I am super impressed! Way to handle that shower spout all by yourself! It's amazing what we can do when we are left to our own devices. =)

I'm sorry H is being so quiet. That's just frustrating. So I take it he didn't make it to the birthday party last night then either. I just I don't get why it is so hard for them to give some sort of response. Why do they think it's ok to ignore us? Well, I hope at the very least, you get to use today to relax. Just keep remembering that you are in the home stretch now, of this phase at least. Keep being the awesome you that you are! (still super impressed about the shower spout) =D

[ClingingToHope]

Congratulations. I wouldn't even attempt it. A few weeks ago I struggled just to put up blinds. My wife used to install them 13 years ago and was willing to do it, but I did it myself.

I'm pouring through our taxes and W didn't collect half of what we need. I'm not surprised. Taxes has always been 100 percent my deal. The only deduction she's aware of is the mortgage deduction.

I'm guessing next year she'll have to have it professionally done. That's if we are divorced by then. I'm in no mood to really speed things along right now and I can delay a D until May 2011 if I want.