Could it be that CJ is just feeling that he's being pulled in all directions right now? (I think guys tend to really focus on one thing at a time.) It sounds like he's been really busy with his classes. I know when I was in school and was feeling overloaded, I'd get a bit irritable.
It sounds like overall, things have really improved for you. I'd suggest backing off a little, and seeing if he settles down a little now that some of the school pressure is off.
I think just the fact that you got a couple of e-mails is a bit of an olive branch.
HI CHL...that's exactly how I took those e-mails. Bit of a peace offering, explanation for some of his "distance" of late.
Quote: Could it be that CJ is just feeling that he's being pulled in all directions right now?
Well, perhaps, but I don't really see it...he left his job in Aug of '02 and hasn't "worked" since. He started this on-line course in July. That's pretty much his main focus, CHL.
The only other concerns are daily stuff..groceries, cleaning, etc. which we mostly share.
His response to my e-mail (in which I also apologized for making him feel like a 'wet blanket' at the party) was...how can I put this...a bit off-putting to me.
For one it was LOOONG...but just filled with actual details of how the whole scenario surrounding our depature went down. (Including direct quotes) He said a few times that he was already over "that" as I'd apologized in the car...but the DETAIL he included...I don't know, I'm confused...
You see one thing that CJ uses against me (he might not agree with this phrasing, but it's how I FEEL) is his rather astonishing memory. It's a bit like a weapon at times. And MY memory is cast as "unreliable" right off the bat in the face of his superiority in this regard...
I'm sure he feels the same way about my journal and other written material as this is MY way of "remembering".
Oh, well, really should be working.
Thanks for dropping in CHL!
Shiny
P.S. Did send another e-mail back to CJ (he's out right now) in which I asked about the smooches in the bathroom at the party...not sure how that's going to turn out, but at least it's out there
Just as CJ was leaving for group today, I asked him again if he was sure he didn't want to have a party here for his birthday (it's on Friday), as I have to contact another friend to let her know (her birthday is the day after).
He said "no, don't want to have a party here, we're both not feeling well, don't want to get into an ARGUMENT over my birthday..."
Of course I picked up on that word and repeated it and he backtracked and said something about all the stress of preparing for a party and how sometimes we HAVE had arguments at these times (true).
Now am I just parsing words? (Which I HATE when CJ does to me) or is this significant? Does he not want a party? Or does he not want the percieved hassle of putting it together???
Just as CJ was leaving for group today, I asked him again if he was sure he didn't want to have a party here for his birthday (it's on Friday), as I have to contact another friend to let her know (her birthday is the day after).
He said "no, don't want to have a party here, we're both not feeling well, don't want to get into an ARGUMENT over my birthday..."
Of course I picked up on that word and repeated it and he backtracked and said something about all the stress of preparing for a party and how sometimes we HAVE had arguments at these times (true).
Now am I just parsing words? (Which I HATE when CJ does to me) or is this significant? Does he not want a party? Or does he not want the percieved hassle of putting it together???
Hmmmmm....
Shiny
maybe instead of having a party there wich would involve cleaning up and preparing you could call some of the gang and get them all to meet up somewhere to celebrate with dinner or some horsederves (however ya spell it) and cocktails.
Hi ya Shiny....does sound like your h is stressed out..and the fact that he has not felt well does not help..about the birthday.if he is shy..maybe he does not want the attention and of course the mess..I agree with LL..go out...have fun..if that's what he really would like to do..
Had to smile there...CJ as shy!!! NOT! This guy loves having parties (or at least WHILE they are going on!) and going to parties...he's no wall flower.
I think what he meant and I happen to concur, is that we DID have a big 40th for him here two years ago (last year was in the midst of the madness ) and this year we're both so busy with school, neither of us feeling "up to par" and then there's this pal wanting to latch her b-day onto his (meaning MORE people invited)...it just seemed like too much for right now.
Hate to break out the 2X4 here, but WHACK! Ok, Shiny, this is HIS birthday so if he says no party...keep it simple, no party. I think asking him if he wants to go out and Karaoke is a great idea and if friends want to come along, great! And please don't read too much into him not wanting a party, either. If he isn't working and things aren't 100% right now for the 2 of you, maybe he just isn't in the mood to deal with all the fuss. What does he really love to do? Could you plan something that involves just the two of you and some activity he really loves? No pressure for him, just something fun and easy?
) and this year we're both so busy with school, neither of us feeling "up to par" and then there's this pal wanting to latch her b-day onto his (meaning MORE people invited)...it just seemed like too much for right now.
Hate to break out the 2X4 here, but WHACK! Ok, Shiny, this is HIS birthday so if he says no party...keep it simple, no party. I think asking him if he wants to go out and Karaoke is a great idea and if friends want to come along, great! And please don't read too much into him not wanting a party, either. 