WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

Hi Cat04,

However, you could try showing him. When he brings the kids back and they are healthy, fed, happy, simply say thank you for taking such good care of them. You can't do this just once, it is something that will have to happen with each visit.

That is a great suggestion! I'm going to do it! I know he's in Replay (with Anger maybe) and I really don't want him to feel as if he is a bad father as his father was very abusive to him and not to his sisters. He has always taken pride in the fact that he did not treat his kids the same way. I feel really badly about making him feel that I thought he wasn't.

One of the things I feel that you worry about, is if he is going to bring them around the OW or not. I am not saying your concerns are not valid, especially considering how far away she lives, but with that exception, are you really concerned that he will NOT take care of your children?

You may not always agree with every decision he makes, because it might not be a decision you would make (ie McDonald's for dinner versus a homecooked meal) however, those are really just little things that we use as excuses for our real frustrations. And really are not worth getting ourselves worked up over.

Part of it is that he knows the way I was when he was here.. and I was very controlling of everything.. food kids ate, etc... not a very laid back fun mom But in my defense, I reverted back to the way I was raised.. by an unexpressive, strict Italian grandmother who had to be an adult herself at the age of 9 when her mom died..(My mom started back at work when I was 10 weeks old due to finances..)

Since all this, I've been trying to bring out my inner kid and let the little things go... but he can't see that as he is no longer around to.. So no the little day-to-day things do not worry me at all..

As for the OW.. yes I worry because it is across borders.. and to get them there would be an 8 hour drive.. not the best idea for a S13(Autism) and a D3. H would more than likely drive non-stop with his impatience to get to his "addiction".

Why do you have to go NC?

It doesn't always work. Dim works much better when there are children involved, IMO.

That means keeping conversations to the kids, their needs, their wants. Nothing about you. Nothing about him. Nothing about anything that does not affect them.

Not sure if I've been Dark or Dim..

Basically I've been not contacting him, waiting for him to contact me. I've told him no calls to my work because he almost got me canned the last time he called (spew session) since my job does not involve me being on the phone.

I haven't been around during pick up/drop off mainly because I wasn't sure that I would be able to face him without breaking down (crying, seeming sad, or lately angry). The few times he did see me I was always happy and smiling.

I've decided I need to be there when I can now as I feel stronger and he needs to see the changes are not "smoke & mirrors" as he called them.

I think the minimal contact has worked to some degree (as long as I don't react) as he has indicated indirectly with some of his comments that he has wondered about what I was doing. So even if he is still somewhat negative with them, it shows that I'm still taking up real estate in his head sometimes. He has also said to his sister that he figured they won't last after bringing the topic up to her...