Okay.. Is there any way to reassure H that I do think he's an awesome father that won't come across as pursuing or such?
Honestly, right now the words are not going to mean much.
However, you could try showing him. When he brings the kids back and they are healthy, fed, happy, simply say thank you for taking such good care of them. You can't do this just once, it is something that will have to happen with each visit.
Another thing might be to just not let him see that you are worried about the children when they go with him. Acting as if you trust him, which I hope as a father you do...
One of the things I feel that you worry about, is if he is going to bring them around the OW or not. I am not saying your concerns are not valid, especially considering how far away she lives, but with that exception, are you really concerned that he will NOT take care of your children?
You may not always agree with every decision he makes, because it might not be a decision you would make (ie McDonald's for dinner versus a homecooked meal) however, those are really just little things that we use as excuses for our real frustrations. And really are not worth getting ourselves worked up over.
As long as he is not hurting your kids, you have to realize that they are his kids too and if you were still together, you would probably not have issue with much of what you have issue with.
So if you really and truly believe that he is an awesome father, then let him be an awesome father.
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How do I show that I feel that way about things when I have to go NC?
Why do you have to go NC?
It doesn't always work. Dim works much better when there are children involved, IMO.
That means keeping conversations to the kids, their needs, their wants. Nothing about you. Nothing about him. Nothing about anything that does not affect them.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
