trying4years...I haven't read the book you mentioned but it has been discussed on this forum in the past. You say you read it, what did you glean from it?
You also said: "And then since I haven't been able to have good sex which allows me to actually feel 'connected', how am I supposed to be able to sense and read what is wanted? I always found I can read, and sense what my W wants so much better _after_ we have ML..."
This is hard to explain/describe...but what a lot of women want is for the man to TAKE what he NATURALLY wants. Therefore, she doesn't actually want to tell him what SHE wants, what she wants is for him to TAKE what HE wants. She knows instinctively that if HE TAKES what he NATURALLY wants, she will be sexually turned on by it. Once she gets to the point of being fully sexually turned on and really getting into sex with him, THEN she will be more likely to start stating things she wants..."oh yes, I love it when you do this or that" is something that she doesn't want to say and have it be HIS focus. She wants HIS focus to be on what HE NATURALLY wants.
I keep putting NATURALLY in all caps because what a man NATURALLY wants is usually very primal and somewhat agressively sexual. When a man is going for what he UNnaturally wants, it is usually all focused on HER pleasure.
I know it is counter intuitive. I know it is hard to understand. But the biggest point I want to make is for YOU as a MAN to look within yourself and find your raw sexual desires...and then GO AFTER her with that desire. THIS IS WHAT SHE WANTS. She doesn't want you asking her what SHE wants sexually. She wants you to know and feel your burning sexual desire and then to take her, as your sexual mate. This would be the natural process. Her telling you "oh, first kiss me, then hold me, then undress me" etc, is NOT NATURAL.
Those types of open conversations are more likely to happen AFTER you FIRST exhibit some alpha male behaviors, and then she can tell you more things about her specific desires because THEN she can trust that you are first and foremost thinking of YOUR pleasure.
