Hearts Blessing, I am of the opinion that most people who go into an MLC do not ever come out of it for whatever reason. I base this opinion on what I have seen on the board, especially from the older posters. Hardly scientific proof, but its certainly a trend I see. Your opinion?
It is my understanding that some people never come out because they get "stuck" in the tunnel; most of the time they're stuck in the stage of Replay. One of the reasons, in my humble opinion, is they can never face the fact they are getting older; and these select individuals do NOT accept the inevitability of this; and that is painful to them. The damage within may also be too great for them to handle, so it is easier to run away than it is to face their fears. They lack the strength to come through. On top of that; it is too painful to look within and see what they really are, face their mistakes and begin to grow. Weakness on their part.
It takes more strength to stand and fight than it does to run away.
One of the hardest things to do in this is to look in the mirror of self-honesty..the MLC'er might be honest with others,(as much as they can be while still spewing venom) but never within themselves..that would also be where the 'stuck' MLC'ers are. They have, in effect, left the cover on the mirror, preferring instead to be blinded to the truth of what they are, and have become during this time in the tunnel.
To them, it's perfectly normal behavior..to anyone else it's puzzling or even disgusting.
There are many factors that contribute to becoming "stuck" within...most of these factors contain fears that cannot be faced, again, because they are too weak to face them.
A strong LBS could attempt to bring them through, acting as a staunchion or pillar of strength to help them at certain times; but cannot make them face what they have to face, and stand the risk of having them run back in; a cycle could begin, and it would be a hard one to break, if it were ever broken; again this is a crap shoot, a gamble...and here's the rub, Braveheart: You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.
When it comes to facing yourself, and the fears associated with you as an individual, you have to find the strength to come through..and alas, they don't have it or cannot find it, or worse yet, take the "easy" way out...and that is to continue running for the rest of their lives.
They progress beyond hope as long as they continue to run away; staying stuck; most, for the rest of their lives.
On a side note: When it was me; I had to fight my way through every day of my Mid Life Transition; it would have been so much easier to just lay down and quit. I faced a great many things while within the tunnel..and the pain was nearly overwhelming for me. The mirror of self honesty was a hard one to uncover; as well as facing all the emotional damage I contained within from childhood and my adulthood. I had come to terms with so many things BEFORE I came out; and it seemed SO HARD, and all I had learned/written seemed so far away; it was nearly out of my reach. In spite of the knowledge I had, it was really hard on me, too.
The journey is not an easy one...and I remember being SO shocked at the pain..it was MUCH greater than I had remembered writing about. There was also a "burning" sensation within me; and true to form, something DID get burned out of me; changing me for all time.
Do not know if this will help, but this is from my memories of that time; it took me six years to navigate through...and the final stages took me LONGER than it did my husband; scaring him in the process. I think, for a time, he thought he was losing me. I was a truly awful person during that time.
I'm just glad I didn't get stuck...I wouldn't be back here in present day if I had, and no one would have known what happened to me.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
