Hi, Shiny! Do you suppose that your moods could be affecting his? I definitely felt your suspicion and fearfulness in many of your last posts...nothing you said specifically, just everything in general. I am not saying it isn't normal, or justified! I just know that I felt like I was walking on egg shells around my H when he first started coming back...and it was terrible for me. I was trying my best to regain trust, but H was not acting like he trusted me one iota. No tangible things...or examples, just the mood, the aura of our R at that time. Coupled with my guilt over drinking and spending money, it was awful. I deserved it, but boy did it make it hard for me to keep db'ing and hanging in there. So, I can imagine he is wrestling with some of his own demons, too. And it probably is not easy for him.

I guess,too, what I am trying to lovingly say is lighten up. Do some things for yourself and some for your H....nice things, loving things. Note..you come first.

Mix it up a little. Have you ever written him an erotic letter? Why not try it? Tell him how much you miss his touch and describe the wink, wink, nudge, nudge you'd like to share.

If that's not appropriate for your sitch, try something else. Arrange to meet him on a weekend evening at a hotel room...get there first, be in bed and be in sexy attire...

Or try something else...think back to when you were first wink, wink, nudge, nudging....did you have a special place, a secret rondez-vous? Is there a place that has special memories for the two of you that you could get away to together?

When he said he hadn't been working on the paper for over an hour, maybe he just was lonely and wanting attention. Next time he goes for a walk...join him! Hold his hand. Make it romantic, not suspicious!

Just some food for thought. As always, you can take what you want and leave the rest! You know your sitch better than anyone! So, if I am way off base...forgive me. If I am on target, or suggested something that might help, great!
Bottom line here is (and you know this, Shiny) it's an inside job. You can be happy! It's up to you!

And about the kisses at the party...has he ever been affectionate in public? Was this just him being "shy" in what he perceived as a public place? Could you come right out and tell him that it hurt your feelings a bit and you were wondering what he was thinking or feeling when you tried to steal a few smooches?

I am responsible for my own happiness.