Hi, Shiny! Do you suppose that your moods could be affecting his? I definitely felt your suspicion and fearfulness in many of your last posts...nothing you said specifically, just everything in general. I am not saying it isn't normal, or justified! I just know that I felt like I was walking on egg shells around my H when he first started coming back...and it was terrible for me. I was trying my best to regain trust, but H was not acting like he trusted me one iota. No tangible things...or examples, just the mood, the aura of our R at that time. Coupled with my guilt over drinking and spending money, it was awful. I deserved it, but boy did it make it hard for me to keep db'ing and hanging in there. So, I can imagine he is wrestling with some of his own demons, too. And it probably is not easy for him.
I guess,too, what I am trying to lovingly say is lighten up. Do some things for yourself and some for your H....nice things, loving things. Note..you come first.
Mix it up a little. Have you ever written him an erotic letter? Why not try it? Tell him how much you miss his touch and describe the wink, wink, nudge, nudge you'd like to share.
If that's not appropriate for your sitch, try something else. Arrange to meet him on a weekend evening at a hotel room...get there first, be in bed and be in sexy attire...
Or try something else...think back to when you were first wink, wink, nudge, nudging....did you have a special place, a secret rondez-vous? Is there a place that has special memories for the two of you that you could get away to together?
When he said he hadn't been working on the paper for over an hour, maybe he just was lonely and wanting attention. Next time he goes for a walk...join him! Hold his hand. Make it romantic, not suspicious!
Just some food for thought. As always, you can take what you want and leave the rest! You know your sitch better than anyone! So, if I am way off base...forgive me. If I am on target, or suggested something that might help, great! Bottom line here is (and you know this, Shiny) it's an inside job. You can be happy! It's up to you!
And about the kisses at the party...has he ever been affectionate in public? Was this just him being "shy" in what he perceived as a public place? Could you come right out and tell him that it hurt your feelings a bit and you were wondering what he was thinking or feeling when you tried to steal a few smooches?
Sorry I am a little gasy today and and feeling bloted... It happens on a white castle and skyline chili day... Oh the humanity..
Anyway, Male PMS possibly??? I once had a 4 month break up with the xw prior to getting married. After we reconciled, we would go to parties at "her" friends houses (we were never allowed to hang with mine). I would want to go but not go... I felt out of place and "weird" about it. It would reflect in my attitude. Just a possibility...
Then again, could something else have happened that you are not thinking of...
Anyway, I need to go hit the beano... Thank God for quilted TP eh???
"CJ is always getting on me for NOT telling him right away when things bother me. But I don’t think he sees that he does the very same thing at times!!"
Okay, this stood out for me, because I'm wondering if something had transpired recently between you and CJ in which he felt slighted and perhaps he's been stewing over it ever since (all without your knowledge).
And now he is hitting you with some passive-aggressive mud balls.
Sometimes the reason for ill feelings isn't even clear to the person experiencing them, initially.
Quote: Okay, this stood out for me, because I'm wondering if something had transpired recently between you and CJ in which he felt slighted and perhaps he's been stewing over it ever since (all without your knowledge). And now he is hitting you with some passive-aggressive mud balls.
I agree with Jeannine...this is the SAME feeling that I got from your post from Friday night (??) when you were on the BB and he responded oddly.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Do you suppose that your moods could be affecting his?
Absolutely! It works the other way around, doesn't it?
Quote: I felt like I was walking on egg shells around my H when he first started coming back...
I can relate to this Alaska, but from some time ago. CJ and I have been actively piecing for 8 months now.
Quote: Mix it up a little. Have you ever written him an erotic letter? Why not try it? Tell him how much you miss his touch and describe the wink, wink, nudge, nudge you'd like to share.
Closest has been some semi-naughty e-mails. DID write QUITE an erotic letter in our early days which I showed him several ago (more or less to show him that we DID have it goin' on...after he'd rewritten history )
Not sure if this would work (I KNOW it would work for ME!) or just be perceived as more pressure.
Same thing for:
Quote: Arrange to meet him on a weekend evening at a hotel room...get there first, be in bed and be in sexy attire...
Several of may most memorable rejections have come when I'm dressed to play...not exactly encouraging. I'm also not sure what the pressure to "perform" would do...not much good. Our hotel room during our Easter getaway had a hot tub, strategically placed mirrors....Nada.
Quote: think back to when you were first wink, wink, nudge, nudging....did you have a special place, a secret rondez-vous? Is there a place that has special memories for the two of you that you could get away to together?
Um, unless I get my parents to go out of town and take back my old bedroom....not really!!!
But seriously, AKG, I DO appreciate the thoughts and the general notion of shaking things up, I really do!!!
Quote: When he said he hadn't been working on the paper for over an hour, maybe he just was lonely and wanting attention. Next time he goes for a walk...join him! Hold his hand. Make it romantic, not suspicious!
Yes I DID get the feeling he was lonely...as for joining him on his walk...wellll...there's that history there. When he WAS doing the "suspcious" walking and bike riding, I'd offer to go along frequently....OBVIOUSLY I was not welcome...he told me so. This time he just walked up ready to go and BURR! It's cold out there!
Quote: And about the kisses at the party...has he ever been affectionate in public? Was this just him being "shy" in what he perceived as a public place? Could you come right out and tell him that it hurt your feelings a bit and you were wondering what he was thinking or feeling when you tried to steal a few smooches?
Good question...No, he's never been overtly affectionate in public...but he's always said he wanted ME to be more so...sit nearer him, have physical contact, etc.
As for asking him outright... I think that's the right thing to do. As he may well have been taken aback? Who knows??
Hi Will!! So glad you made it to the party on Friday night..did you see how smashed MAL got???
Interesting observations Jeannine, (echoed by Sage I believe)...
Quote: Okay, this stood out for me, because I'm wondering if something had transpired recently between you and CJ in which he felt slighted and perhaps he's been stewing over it ever since (all without your knowledge). And now he is hitting you with some passive-aggressive mud balls.
Sometimes the reason for ill feelings isn't even clear to the person experiencing them, initially
Only thing I can think of is our aborted conversation before his group meeting on Thursday. We never did pick that back up.
So he may have felt it was left hanging. I did bring up the ML issue and the Income tax refund, although it was NOT an argument from either perspective at that point.
As for your last comment, how absolutely TRUE...how many times am I feeling "out of sorts" and don't know why for some time, or it's just a combination of stress and not feeling well.
In fact CJ sent me two e-mails today...one saying this is the first morning in a week that he woke up feeling well (tummy) and that he got a 94% on another of his courses.
His second e-mail was to say he'd gotten a 96% on the third course of the term!!! The guy is golden!
When I got home from work, though, the poor guy was crashed on the couch...seems he pushed it a bit cleaning out our gutters (ice and leaves ) and had a bit of dizzy spell again...he napped for an hour or so before dinner.
So....what I figure is that MOST of "this" (whatever it may be) is a combination of not feeling well, and school stress (assignments all due recently).
I sent him a warm congratulatory e-mail and an apology for Saturday night...for contributing to him being made to feel like a "party pooper" which I, personally, HATE!!!
You know your sitch better than anyone! So, if I am way off base...forgive me. If I am on target, or suggested something that might help, great!
