Do you think that the longer WAS is with the OW, the better the chance of him staying or marrying her?
That is an unknown answer as things could go either way in that situation. There is a MLC situation I'm observing at the moment where the WAS has been with OW for over 9 years, and is just now making babysteps to start the journey of coming out...his problem is how to get rid of OW..but that will be up to him on how to do that. The outcome is unknown at this time.
Just as the MLC journey has no set time frame, neither does the MLC affair. The decision, such as it is, is totally up to the MLC'er at that point in time. And it has NOTHING to do with the LBS. OW is only a band aid, interfering with the necessary inward journey the MLC'er needs to take to look at the pain within. As long as she is there, he is NOT looking at his pain at all.
What you have to do is decide whether you'll continue to stand or choose to walk away, still taking your own journey to change and wholeness, regardless of what you do. Either way, it's up to you.
Quote:
My H has been with OW for about 3 years now...I am not divorced but H has said in the past month that we've reflected long enough and it's time for closure..He also said he deserves a relationship with the kids a much as I do..I have NEVER withheld the kids from him..H hasnt' taken S12 overnight since last July, says he does it out of respect for me because he knows I dont want him at OW's house.. The sad thing is how Long he can go without wanting to see the kids.
Sounds to me like he is still attempting to justify his actions, and is still blaming his actions on YOU..but that's NOT true. Also, the fact that he is not taking the children, tells me he is making excuses, and is still trying to get out of responsibility; he's in Replay, still yet..as evidenced by the OW, and his "justifications" of his behavior.
How stupid do they really think the LBS is? Oh, so he thinks it's time for "closure" does he? Has he attempted to coerce you into divorcing him? Don't do it if that's the case..make HIM do the heavy lifting; unless you really want to end it. And has he NOT considered that YOU have a part in this decision for "closure" and that you might not want to? How dare he? He just wants this to make it easier on him, so he doesn't feel so guilty. Bah Humbug!
He's crazy! MLC crazy! Of COURSE, he hasn't considered these things..it's ALL about him, never mind you and what YOU have had to suffer. These are his reactions to things that are real concerns to you, and they DON'T make ANY sense at all. I might need to go read your situation, but what I have to say might help someone else.
In "tricking" the LBS into filing, the MLC'er effectively shifts the blame onto the LBS, as they do NOT want to be the "bad guy" in that situation.
God forbid THEY take the blame for anything they do...and they will push as much as they can onto the LBS.
They will try to control the "outcome" the way they think they want it to be..and a divorce, to them is the ending of the pain. OW is, of course, a band aid, only a symptom..not a solution. A relationship born out of deception is destined for failure of the worst kind...but they don't see that...only their need for escape from the pain that is within them...and the LBS cannot touch that pain.
Your heart knows the truth, Treese; don't let him convince you otherwise.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
