I think most women would enjoy being dominated slightly sometimes (ie: pushed up against the wall, spanked, or told "what to do" in a sexual situation, hair pulling, etc), but are not going to be into that all the time, every time. Instead, I think most women just enjoy knowing their man is capable of exhibiting this type of raw sexuality - even if he isn't into that himself all the time.
I think you speak for a lot of women. Indeed, I've heard women say this. But not my wife, which might be related to our SSM. Sexual abuse history can obviously complicate a desire to be physically dominated.
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Being UNABLE to exhibit a bit of rough play in the bedroom usualy tells me as a woman that a man will not be able to exhibit other alpha male behaviors....and its the overall alpha behaviors that will be (for me) the long term turn on.
I totally agree. As a thought experiment on myself, I could only imagine that if I did not have the courage to be dominant in bed, I could not imagine how I could have the courage to face a lot of other situations in life, even something so simple as asserting myself with the clerk at the item-return counter in a department store. To be sexually assertive, you have to overcome your own embarrassment at the irrationality of your impulses. You have to accept your sexuality and identify with it. If you feel shame about your sexual impulses, it would be hard to be sexually assertive, at least in a positive way.
But I would like to add another dimension to this discussion, because it is so common among men. Many men, especially men who have a lot of power in the business world, have fantasies about BEING DOMINATED sexually by a woman. Any dominatrix will tell you such men are a big part of their clientele (not that I know one personally ;-). It's as if people want to sexually experience power dynamics which are the opposite of their real life.
I've likewise heard something similar from some women. In fact, some women who were raised in modern-thinking homes, and who believe in equality of the sexes, paradoxically have fantasies about being dominated sexually in a most male-dominated sexist setting. Unfortunately, some of these women think this is inconsistent, and are ashamed of such fantasies. I say, don't worry, you are free to have any fantasy you want, and play it out with an understanding man in the bedroom.
Personally, my ideal woman would be one who could play multiple roles in the bedroom, and could enjoy being dominated as well as be dominating, or various degrees in between. All being consensual, of course. I think you have to cultivate not only having your own fantasies realized, but also take a keen interest in your partner's fantasies and needs and play to them. It's all about communication, both spoken and unspoken.
