Uh Oh...Pam hasn't popped in to say hi, she must be pissed I let the party go so wild last night...sorry!!!
Hope everyone had a blast...I only have a moment to update so I may not make it over to see what's going on today.
Here's the dream I woke with this morning:
Shabby’s Back
CJ and I are living in the shabby apartment…it’s like he’s gotten the place without me being aware of it, it’s my first time seeing it.
As always, at first it doesn’t seem so bad, but then the shabbiness gets louder and louder and louder. I’d sitting on the minimum 30 year old couch, cushions all crushed, springs sprung, stains all over…and I say to CJ…Well we ARE going to bring our good furniture over here right?
CJ says NO…it’s as it is. I try to tell him our other stuff is 10X nicer but her won’t listen to me, won’t hear it. I get infuriated and have had enough. I look him in the face and scream “I WANT A DIVORCE!!!”
He looks at me with those stranger’s eyes from last year and says….FINE.
Somehow now he is gone and I go to lock the front door of this place. Again it is flimsy wood, thin, with a slide-bolt lock mechanism hanging on a rusty hinge…the hinge itself looks like one decent kick and it would fly off.
I feel unsafe, scared, anxious.
Thoughts:
Things seemed pretty good yesterday until later in the evening. CJ was working on his assignments so I bb’d. Around midnight he walked by and said “I need some fresh air, I’m going for a walk”
I was a bit taken aback for a couple of reasons:
1) He hasn’t taken a walk in months 2) It’s cold out 3) Last year his “walks” were finding a place to call OW
But I just shook my head and figured the assignment was tougher than he thought, or he was blocked and just needed to move. He was back shortly.
A while after that I checked in on him to find him not working, but watching T.V. I asked him about the assignment, and to me his answer was cool and dismissive. He said “I haven’t been working on that for about an hour” (from before his walk)
(I DID wonder if he resented me being on the bb and probably clearly having fun)
So I went to the bathroom thinking I’d join him in the living room, but when I got back there he was back on his laptop. So I scanned the channels…nothing good on…so I came back here.
In about another hour I went to get more water and looked in to find him back to watching T.V. He stayed awake much later than usual last night.
I went to bed after 3, he was still up…so I went and kissed him goodnight…no ILY…so I said it first, and he mumbled it back….he looked surprised that I said it first???
So I suppose all of this just gelled into doubts and concerns about our M which are symbolized by this shabby apartment….this is probably dream #35 in the series.
He’s outside stacking leaves onto the flowerbeds as the snow did melt.
