I don't know if I will be able to answer your question in a way that will be of help to you, but I'll try.
Quote:
For Sandi--what were the first indications to you that you "might" have made a mistake or might have been hasty?
Remember that I never left......I was almost a walk-away. However, I had all the symptoms of a wife who leaves her H. My first indications that I was wrong in having an EA was always there, but being in that "fog" was the problem. The addiction to the thrill was what kept me seeking more. I remember, however, when the "thrill" began to slip away. I also remember that I was going to either meet with OM in person and pursue a PA or the EA was probably over.
I don't think I would qualify to answer the part about being "hasty" since I did not leave. I do remember at the beginning of the EA how I wanted my freedom more than anything and was willing to walk away from everything.....or at least I was considering it. It really scares me to look back and see how messed up I was.
Knowing that one has made a mistake in their life does not always change what they do. Your W may come to that place in the road some day. If she has a lot of anger toward the past...then she may just accept her mistake but not try to make ammends.
I would think that you W is PO'd at you for beating her to the D. She wanted to come out smelling like a rose and she can't do that if people know about her A. She doesn't want any guilt laid at her door. It is crazy, but I suppose she has to have you as her target for her anger. I don't know of a couple who D and one of them was not angry or very hurt.
Will she realize her mistake? Probably. However, it may not change the direction she is headed. Many people in A's do get M and that is just a fact of life. I have read right here on the board from a couple of women who are in their second M and can look back with sadness that the first M did not work out. Strange, in a way.....but I guess that person will always be a part of your life....period.
I think that you are in some kind of "state" that might be like shock, in a way, that all this has really taken place.....b/c you did act quickly....and there are "stages" that hit a person, much like when a death takes place. Now, you are second guessing yourself and wondering if you acted too quickly. I don't think that is good for you to do that...but I'm sure it is only normal. Your emotions are still working over-time and you aren't sure if you would want your W back even if there was a chance.
For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. I believe you are doing the right thing in moving on with your life. I do believe that you need to only contact her when it concerns the children and try to keep it as friendly as possible. Don't take anything off her just b/c she gets mad. Don't let her bully you with anger.
If she comes around sometime in the future, then I think your emotions will be more settled by then and you'll know what you want. It will take time for you to heal from what she's done to you and the boys.....and maybe there's a part that doesn't heal...IDK b/c I have not personally been in those shoes, but I have people close to me that have been in bad M's (I mean really bad) and they were able to get past it and move on. You will too, but right now....you still hurt and you are still "watching" what she does. Yes, you still love her and probably always will, but I have seen in my own family that another love can come along that will make one very happy.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
