Protection phase in detail : --------------------- When an affair is discovered, there is usually a rush of energy and determination to do whatever it takes to ride it out and mend the marriage once it ends. But as the weeks turn to months, that energy is rapidly depleted by the sheer terror and pain of seeing your spouse in love with someone else. Your determination rapidly begins to wane and you become the greater threat to the marriage. As your emotions are bombarded day after day with the cruelty and thoughtlessness inherent in an addiction you begin to lose your love for your spouse. Worse, you find that you have moments of pure hatred when you see how he or she puts the lover ahead of the well being of your children and is willing to throw away your financial security for this interloper. The day will come, all too soon, when you decide that you’re done and that even if your spouse came to you begging for reconciliation you have lost all respect for him or her and would not consider the possibility. In the interest of your marriage, your children and yes, yourself, you need to be protected from getting to this place.
Unlike the Intervention Phase, it’s pretty straightforward, but people fight it kicking and screaming. Intervention Phase is just this: Separate entirely from your spouse. Have no contact between the two of you. None.
Yes, I know this is very difficult if you have children. One of the things we do for people at SYMC is to provide them with email intermediaries to handle emergencies along with the essential flow of information regarding children and their schedules.
When you initiate this separation you need to make an explicit statement about your commitment to the marriage and hope for reconciliation. You also need to spell out that you are not willing to continue in a relationship under these conditions but would be happy to discuss the future as soon as the affair is over.
When do you do this? As soon as you first start to feel overwhelmed with the pain of the affair. This is no time for heroics. Living too long with the pain will set into motion the conditions which will make you the threat to the marriage. For women this can be as soon as one week. Certainly not longer than 12 weeks. For men up to 6 months.
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The affair will most likely end, just like 90 to 95% of all affairs do. If you did the right things in the Intervention Phase, it will end sooner. When that happens, you need to be strong and healthy if you are going to be able to work through the Reconciliation and Recovery Phases.
