I have been doing more research tonight. I have a bit from Penny again for you :
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Saving your marriage is not about being nice – being nice is easy. Saving your marriage is about standing firm against the onslaught of addiction which threatens to suck you in chew you up and spit you out. Even and especially when to do so takes you far outside your own comfort zone. Staying in your comfort zone helped you get to this place: if you want out you’ll need to stretch those boundaries. Painful? Yes, very. But what’s the alternative?
Things your spouse will say as part of the addiction and which you need to disregard:
* It’s over. There is no hope of saving the marriage. * I never loved you. I only married you because… * It’s not about <affair partner> it’s about wanting out. * Even if he or she was not part of the picture there would be no hope. * You made me do this, it’s your fault. * Nothing you can do can change my mind. * I could never feel anything for you again. * She/he is my soulmate.
Other myths – these are dangerous to believe:
* The children will be fine, they get over these things. * I’ll give you everything if you agree to a quick divorce * I’ll take everything and you’ll be destitute if you don’t give me a quick divorce * The affair is over and we’re just friends. * The affair is over and we can still work together
--------------------- More to come on addiction...
