Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

GH31, thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I am really trying to listen to the advice of the wonderful people on this board. Hopefully some of this is working. At least I feel good that I stood my ground.

W and I talked by phone again today. Glad that we are at least now talking by phone instead of emails. I think that's an important start. We talked about listing our house. She met with a realtor and I met with my own. We compared notes and said we need to decide which one to use. Of course she wants to use her realtor and I want to use mine. In all honesty my realtor is much better and one of the top in my area...hers is not. I explained to her the good points about my realtor. She raised all sorts of objections and that she wanted to call my realtor. She tried to bait me into an argument but I didn't take the bait. I simply validated and gave her the realtor's number and said to call her with any questions.

We also talked about the car again and she also brought up the furniture and other things that she wants that I have. I reminded her that I asked her to give me a list...which she still has not done since Saturday...she hasn't changed a bit in not taking care of things when she says she is. Anyway, she again got upset when i gave her no information or the answers she wanted to hear. She asked me again where I was living and was very angry again when I told her that it was none of her business.

It has become so clear to me by talking with my W on Sat. and today just how angry she is and that she lacks any kind of trust with me. It is also very clear that she most definitely has her wall up to protect herself. I believe she feels that she will not allow anyone to control her. I don't think I ever controlled her but for some reasons I think this is what she believes and where she is now. Again, it seems very simply to me that being in good counseling and getting her to open up and FINALLY communicate with me, that this could be fixed. Again, that's my perspective and I am only guessing what she feels until she is ready to tell me.

When we disagreed about something today she asked me a question that I would not give her an answer because it was not relevant to the conversation. She then was quiet and said to me, "see?, that's why I have no trust in you because you're not being honest with me. When you start being open and honest with me then I will do the same." I thought about this tonight. I was not purposely trying to play any games. I simply would not give her the personal information she was asking and I stood my boundaries. So how do you deal with this issue? It seems we are both not willing to give any or make the first step. My reason is to keep my boundaries. I'm not sure of her reason but I would guess it's because she doesn't want to give me any info either or for that matter any hope? Don't really know but my thinking is at some point something (one of us) has to give to create some trust. Question is when, who and what? In the meantime I beleive it's most important to continue doing what I'm doing. I do see some positive results at least with my boundaries and for now that's good.

One last thing. At times my family tells me that they don't understand why I want to try to save my M with a woman who walked out and has been acting so difficult. Most of the time they are supportive with whatever I decide to do, but at times I think they get frustrated by this whole process. My answer to them is simply...I love my wife. I am so grateful for this site and the wonderful support I have received. It's good to read about so many other people in similar situations who also want to fight to save their M.

Thanks for listening.