Eric,

You are still trying to stop the divorce.

And you say, "isn't that why we're all here?"

Of course the answer technically is yes. But all of us, and we men especially, have to learn quickly that stopping a divorce is not a direct set of actions.

Divorcebusting is indirect.

You've heard or read possibly experienced people here say that db'ing is counter-intuitive, meaning simply that it goes almost directly opposite of what our intincts tell us to do.

You have to find a way to stop approaching this like a man trying to figure out how to fix a leaking faucet. It's just not going to work well with that kind of approach.



If your wife is MLC - hell, even if she's just a WAW - your words to her are never a benefit to you. At best she will just ignore most of what you say - at worst she will find a way to use them against you. I still haven't figured out how this is so, but it turns out that even the most wigged out MLC'er seems to do two things incredibly well

- smell bs from us a MILE away, and
- find a way to turn things that we've said back against us


This is why relationship talks are avoided. This is why we don't talk about their "journey." By the way, I think the others are spot on when they say that you mentioning that she is on a journey just probably pissed her off more than anything else.



At this point you're probably wondering, "So what the hell AM I supposed to do to save my marriage?"


The answer is to let it go.


You know, drop the rope?


I used a bad analogy one time of being out walking your beloved dog (with a SUPER LONG leash so that the story makes sense), who at some point wanders off and gets lost.


You realize your dog has disappeared and you worry. At some point your dog realizes that she has wandered too far off and starts to worry. But along the way she has wrapped that leash in and out of all kinds of things.


You're now pulling with all your might trying to get your pooch back.


Your dog is also straining at the leash trying to get back to you.


But there are far too many tangles to ever let that happen.


So how do you eventually get her back?


You let go of the leash...


Letting go makes it possible for her to come back to you.




Change your mind Eric. You have made a great start, you ARE making progress, but you still have to let go of your natural instincts to try to SAVE.


Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."