Does a WAW have an AH HA moment or is it just a slow process of coming out of the "fog"? I know my W will never be the same one I married and that will be good and hopefully I wont be the same person either. Like everyone else, I would just like a chance to start over and do it right this time! I would give anything for my W to agree to a one or two day intensive with Michele since we live so close. For me money is no issue. I would pay any amount to be able to work on M and R together. It would be better than the $2400 we spent on the D Mediator.
I know that I can't buy my W's love and that is not what I'm saying. I just want to have the chance to work on the M and R. I know that she has to decide these things for herself. I just started the phone coaching with Chuck but since we are S and have less than 14 weeks before D is final I am a little nervous.
Thanks everyone,
Ken
Your question: Does a WAW have an AH HA moment or is it just a slow process of coming out of the "fog"?
Answer: Depends, everyone is different.
My question to you: What would give her a "AH HA moment" as you called it? What would make her stand up and think that she's walking away from something incredible and important?
Do you think pursuing her and asking her to reconsider is going to do it?
Do you think bribing her or offering her money or telling her that you can change into something better?
Do you think trying to convince her that the marriage is worth another chance is going to do it?
Newsflash, none of these things work or the forums would be filled with posts by users that say "hey beg, plead and pursue your spouse, it worked for me!!!!"
Hard as it is to realize this, you can't do anything to change her mind. Well, maybe that's not entirely accurate.
How about you become the best possible person & spouse in the world? Without any requirement on her to do the same. Be loving & supportive without being weak, needy, insecure and supplicative. Enjoy your individuality and learn about being a real man, not a bully or a monster, someone who is going to survive & thrive regardless of this situation. Someone who isn't going to kiss her ass and forget about your own personal value, self esteem and self respect.
You be the best possible person you can be for YOU, not for her and this is a hard lesson for most on this site to grasp and internalize. If you make changes just for her to get her back, even if that worked, it wouldn't last. The real changes that last are the ones you make to make your own life better for YOU.
Be a strong, confident, calm, charming, attractive, funny man and a good husband and love her regardless what her decision is and realize that you can't force her to be with you just as if the tables were turned and you were her, she couldn't force you to stay with her - in the end, it would be your decision just like now it's her decision.
Control you & your life and allow her to do the same with hers.
Sorry bro, no magic button to push, no magic pill to take, no magic quick fix for your situation or any other on this site.
Do the work on YOU for you and not for her and be a great husband regardless of what happens and if you do divorce, hold your head up high knowing that you did the right thing regardless if you won the prize in the end.
If she wants to be with you, she'll be with you and truth be told, you wouldn't want her with you if she didn't want to be with you - how great would that feel?
