Quotes found on Divorcebusting (II)

[Coach]

This is from Bridgestone (a LBS with the feelings of a WAW).
The men can learn a lot by really listening to what she is saying. The dynamics of what your wife needs from you is right here. The tests are for her feelings of safety and security. Make sure you are addressing the right issues. When you can learn to stand tall during the "tests" is when the anger starts to go away. Be prepared. Even better lead thru this time. Learn to communicate during the test, change your response to a productive one and understand her anger for what it is.

I will add something here
I fully admit, when I started seeing some of my StBXH changes over a year ago when he got some serious counseling..

I had very very mixed feelings.. relief, fustration, fear, but a LOT of anger.

Logically I wanted him to make those changes and for himself, not just out of compliance and I tried really hard to be supportive of his efforts, encouraging of his changes, empathetic to the emotional carnage IC does in it's first few sessions.

But emotionally, watching him making those changes after YEARS of me asking in direct & not so direct ways to stop the destructive actions and pleading for changes... the resentment I felt was overwhelming at times & I know at times, it came out as anger...

In statements like "oh wait.. I know what's that's like", lots of sarcasm

in tests of his changes.. by baiting him & pushing his buttons

in stonewalling his requests for communication because of my fear of his not being able to handle hearing what I had to say

I'm not excusing my behaviour, it was not pretty at times.. I tried my best to work through my anger in other ways, but it would come through in a ways I stated above. Even when he didn't deserve it and really was 'different' I know I was testing.

Just something to think about.