You son's behavior is to be expected. Try on his shoes for a moment...You were distant while mom was always there...for 16 years....so you have changed...that has also changed the dichotomy of the household. Your son has been with you the longest...so he will be most affected by those changes. In 6 months or a year he will come to appreciate the change...but right now it is a big change for him to grasp. Did you ask him why he doesn't like the changes? Don't defend them...just hear his point of view.
Conversation with your wife-Started with good intentions and went downhill. I highly recommend that you never mention anything about the journey your wife is on...that is for here. You used the word "understand"....which to be honest...you don't...I don't...we aren't in their shoes. We can fill in the gaps so that we have knowledge of what is happening...but we can never understand what is in their head. By discussing her "journey"...you are implying something is wrong with her. Until she accepts that something might be wrong...there is nothing wrong. Think about it this way.....you admit to being distant.....but if I told you that you were distant a year ago how would you respond?
Overall I wouldn't give you a failing grade...LOL. It doesn't appear that the conversation turned into a full blown fight....You just need to remember what you can discuss without implying anything about your relationship or her journey.
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1) Can we agree to sit every Wednesday and discuss the upcoming schedule re: the kids. I will reaffirm that our discussion should be centered around the kids and not us.
Treading on dangerous water...can be done, but you have to keep it based on the kids. I would almost have a written note with all the kids activities for the week.
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2) Can we agree that if any of the kids mention something to us about one of us that we will share the information with each other.
I would pass on this one...you ask why? If you behave in a way that gives your children nothing to report to mom...then you are doing good. So behave in a positive manner and don't involve the kids in your problems. That way they have nothing to discuss
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3) Can we agree not to suggest that either of us are going thru our own "issues".
Dang...I think Eric just got tossed under a bus. I can see you wife's response "Our issues...You are the one with issues {door slam}{splat sound as eric hits pavement}". Your issues are your issues Eric. No need to share them with her or the children. Work on yourself...for yourself.
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4) Can we agree to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. For example do not bring up D?
Can be seen as controlling...You can work hard to make sure situations don't arise that will bring up the topic of divorce. The second truth...is if either of you get ticked off enough...the topic will come up. No matter if their was an agreement or not.
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5) Can we agree that before we start telling the kids to do thing i.e. you guys now have to do your laundry, etc. that we should discuss it first so that we are both on the same page.
This one is pretty good.....you should work towards working as partners with the kids and not individuals.
Not bad Eric...toss questions 2,3,& 4 and you are doing pretty good.
She will take the space she needs...you just need to respect that and not pursue/chase. It is possible to live in the same house and give her the space she will take. Otherwise, don't move out! Read that again...Don't move out. If she wants to move out...than let her. Otherwise...don't move out.
Trust me...be happy that things are slow...when things are going fast you need to be worried.
