Quote: I KNOW he was not up for this (we have a bit of unpleasant history surrounding me freaking out while he's trying to troubleshoot stuff on the computer for me )...
Quote: I DID thank CJ more than once and tried to give him a hug...he wasn't very responsive...I SHOULD chock that up to him feeling sick, right?
right!
Quote: So then why did I get this AWFUL feeling???
because you worked really hard at not blowing up and possibly expected a reward for it?
Quote: Okay, just the stress hormones still circling....
perhaps we need something to stress over at all times? keeps us busy? stress over the puter...that stress down...stress over hug not being as well received as we hoped? stress over stressing?
chill out and relax...somehow it does wonders for the r.
Quote: Note to self: Buy CD rom tomorrow and back up all files!!!
I'm talking 15 years worth of my dream diaries, journals, all lectures, tests, letters....ARRRGGGH!
To borrow from the cheese commercials.... "Behold, the power of backups."
Quote: I DID thank CJ more than once and tried to give him a hug...he wasn't very responsive...I SHOULD chock that up to him feeling sick, right?
So then why did I get this AWFUL feeling???
Okay, just the stress hormones still circling....
Shiny
You probably got that awful feeling because you were feeling bad about asking for help when he didn't feel well, and were afraid you'd lose all of your data. I'm guessing you were probably doing some negative self-talk about the whole situation???? Were the multiple "thanks" and the hug more to comfort yourself? I'm not trying to be critical. It sounds like you got stressed about asking for his help, and are reading too much into his response. Think about how you respond and act when you aren't feeling well, then figure that he's probably going through the same thing.
Suggestion: Why not write a one or two sentence note for him to see when he wakes up, thanking him for his help?
Quote: You probably got that awful feeling because you were feeling bad about asking for help when he didn't feel well,
Absolutely
and were afraid you'd lose all of your data.
YES!!! I'm guessing you were probably doing some negative self-talk about the whole situation????
Are you sure you're not a psychologist masquerading as an Engineer???...YES again...along the lines of "this is the very situation where we've had our worst fights...He hates helping me with this stuff...more so when I breath down his neck, all anxious and panicky I'm starting to butt in...my tone of voice is counter-productive..he's wishing he had his other life....free of this sickly overdependent W...Where did THAT come from!!!
Were the multiple "thanks" and the hug more to comfort yourself?
In this case, my rational mind says no..I just wanted him to really know that I was GREATFUL for his help, especially as he was ill...to not fall into "take it for granted mode" ...but of course, devil's advocate as I am...I can see your point too...if the hug was recieved warmly...it would let me know he was okay with US...damn boy, you're GOOD!
I'm not trying to be critical. It sounds like you got stressed about asking for his help, and are reading too much into his response. Think about how you respond and act when you aren't feeling well, then figure that he's probably going through the same thing.
This is BANG ON! (bit of a Canadianism for 'ya ) I've been feeling that old, I thought long dead, fear of "what if he's changing his mind???"...but for crying out loud...I've been feeling sick lately and I sure haven't been a bundle of laughs!!! ...He could look at me and easily "mind read" that I'M all disgruntled, when in fact it's work stress and health stuff.
Suggestion: Why not write a one or two sentence note for him to see when he wakes up, thanking him for his help?
Quote:
This is EXACTLY what I should and am going to do...I've often left little love, thanks or apology notes and stuck them to the bathroom mirror...it's been a while!!!
Thank you SOOOO much CHL...haven't had much insight from the guy side of things of late...love it!!!
Just wanted to let you know how MUCH I appreciated you doing all that work to fix my virus problem, especially since that'a always been a touch sitch for us ..AND you were SO not up to it!!
(Next sticky note:)
I really hope you're feeling better today....but if not, why not let me pamper you a bit?
I Love You!.... S
Bit of background on that last comment...When CJ gets sick he seems to slip into "leave me alone mode" which is understandable...but also when I offer to fetch him water, or make soup...he'll generally say (very weakly) "No, it's okay, I'll get it myself".
Now perhaps it's just an individual difference, but I DO like it when CJ is conscientous when I'm ill. I asked if he thought he had a temperature...went to get the thermometer...he said "no, I don't care"...
Okay, maybe we just need to have lil ol fashion CONVERSATION about how each of us likes to be treated when we're ill or feeling down!
DUH!!!!!!!
Okay, maybe I'll actually get off my own thread before the end of the night!!!
I'm beginning to think there is a "panic virus" going through the threads WHat is up with the whole lot of us lately???
You have to wonder about CHL don't ya? One would almost think he has been doing this DB'ing thing for an awfully long time...do you think he has read the book?! I don't know what to say now since he already said it...DArn, YOU are the one who usually beats me too
Quote: Okay, maybe we just need to have lil ol fashion CONVERSATION about how each of us likes to be treated when we're ill or feeling down!
Might I suggest waiting until he is feeling better BEFORE you have this conversation? SOunds like he might be one of those grumpy invalid types...when H is acting that way I know I am better off not saying a whole lot of anything although sympathetic murmurs are permitted
I think the sticky notes are a great idea! You reminded me of something that I use to do that I really need to consider doing again
Quote: but if not, why not let me pamper you a bit?
Hmmm...after you wrote that part you then said that CJ is not real appreciative of being pampered. Is this literal or is he one of those who protests weakly then wallows in the care you provide for him when he is feeling all "yucky" ? If he is one of those who truly wants to be left alone when they are ill...and he has made that clear to you on several occasions...then the offer may not be looked at with all of the gratefulness yu might wish.
My hope is that he is a weak protester
HOpe everyone in your home is feeling much better in the AM!
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
David has read a good bit of DR and actually has our copy right now as he took it to read some different sections in to help understand an issue that I struggle with from time to time.
So yeah he is GOOD but he has a tad bit of background here too.
Plus he read some of Sage's threads and all of Calystras!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I'd hold off on the conversation about how to handle illness. I think it would help each of you clarify expectations, but wait until he's feeling better or gives a sign that he's in a "talking" mood. Suggestion: Don't make it a really long, drawn-out, detailed conversation where every minutia is discussed, debated, examined, etc.
Oh yeah - he's a guy so he may enjoy a little pampering more than he'll indicate. He'll want to feel self-sufficient when ill, but if you do little things for him without pointing them out, he'll probably appreciate it.
Quote: I'd hold off on the conversation about how to handle illness. I think it would help each of you clarify expectations, but wait until he's feeling better or gives a sign that he's in a "talking" mood. Suggestion: Don't make it a really long, drawn-out, detailed conversation where every minutia is discussed, debated, examined, etc.
Oh yeah - he's a guy so he may enjoy a little pampering more than he'll indicate. He'll want to feel self-sufficient when ill, but if you do little things for him without pointing them out, he'll probably appreciate it.
You mean, like bringing him a little hot soup and having the humidifier and Tylenol ready by the bedside, but letting him fix his hot shower by himself... Copious notes taken here (dealing with sick H myself of the don't-pamper-but-take-care-of-me-kind).
I love your insights CHL. Sound so Gary Cooper in 'High Noon': do what you have to do and don't talk about it...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Quote: You mean, like bringing him a little hot soup and having the humidifier and Tylenol ready by the bedside, but letting him fix his hot shower by himself... Copious notes taken here (dealing with sick H myself of the don't-pamper-but-take-care-of-me-kind).
I love your insights CHL. Sound so Gary Cooper in 'High Noon': do what you have to do and don't talk about it...
Everyone's a little different, but what about "Hey, I have some soup heated up in the kitchen. Would you like me to bring you a bowl?" That way, if he doesn't feel like eating, it's not being forced upon him. I still shows you were thinking about him, and trying to help.
Having the humidifier and Tylenol ready works (as long as you don't rush in as soon as he wakes up to put the water in, plug it in, grab a glass of water, get the pills out for him, etc. )
I don't know that I've ever seen the movie, but I love the analogy.
BTW, Shiny, CHL and any passersby: I posted a question in my thread and would appreciate the answers...
Shiny, are you ever going to kick me for hijacking your thread on a regular basis? Of course you can trust me to provide the comic relief... it may be a draw.
Got to go to work. I'll shut up.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
...He could look at me and easily "mind read" that I'M all disgruntled, when in fact it's work stress and health stuff. 
WHat is up with the whole lot of us lately??? 
