Running out of time.

[MHL]

CLV,
I had a long lunch with my W yesterday and she said something similar about my behavior after I found out about her affair. She said it was more of the same from all along in our marriage. I tried not to defend myself as I know that only pushes her away, it was difficult. I think they are feeling guilt and are trying to justify what they were/are doing by your actions in the more recent past. They want you to think that they were considering "working on it" but that we blew it when we did _______________. I think that they are moving through the stages of guilt and are running from any blame in the sitch. This is the hard part for us, we just have to say "I understand how you feel that way" or " I am sorry you feel that way". It is hard but it works, it is working for me. Give it time, she will move through this on her own. Don't think for a minute that you reinforced anything, she did this and it was her decisions and her actions. Just like we can not control them, they can not control us, so if they made the stupid decision to have an affair or continue to have an affair b/c you were out GALing, she owns that and will realize it one day.