WAH in MLC with PA

[cat04]

How badly did I react? What could I have said different?

Because you asked...

Me: Why the sarcasm? I have a right to know who will be dropping off the kids.... A simple question should have a simple answer...

First mistake. You should have said nothing more than ok and the rest of the interaction would probably not have happened.

I say probably because my H, has on occasion continued his spew, when I wasn't even listening.

Me:I'm assuming since you didn't respond then the answer would be one of your sisters will be dropping the kids off on Sunday... Right?

H: As you so fondly tell me whatever

Another opportunity to let it drop. For your own sake.

Me: Will you be seeing them at all this weekend? Or are you starting your March break early? Because the visits are for you and them.. and I need to prepare S13 and D3 if they won't be seeing you this weekend as they are looking forward to it..

You asked for too much information and actually did imply that he didn't know what the visits were for, IMO...

I am merely asking if they are going to be dropped off on Sunday by one of your sisters or by you.. and if not by you, then I need to know if you will not be seeing them this weekend as I need to know to prepare them for not being able to see you.. because they are excited and know it is your weekend to see them..

I am not being sarcastic, merely trying to communicate with you as a co-parent.

Here you have been put in the position of defending yourself and trying to reason with someone who is not able to reason.

You opened the door for more spew...

but you, by not merely responding to my question, are indicating to me that you have something you don't want me to know... like perhaps you won't be there...

This is you now accusing him of lying and covering up...which we all know MLCer's DON'T do...

I am quite aware next week you will be off all week for college March break... I don't know if you are working all week or going away... not my concern..

You know too much about what he is doing, and you asked, so he knows you are concerned...

I will not accept being treated as a criminal when I have not done anything wrong to you. I will not accept you yelling or purposely trying to hurt me verbally or in person. I respect myself too much to put up with that from anyone. If you choose to yell at me on the phone or try to disrespect me in any way, I will hang up on you.

This is a good boundary, however, you continued to correspond with him, thus breaking it.

If you set a boundary, you MUST be prepared to reinforce it immediately because they will walk all over you if you don't.

I think you get the idea.

These sorts of interactions are not good for either of you.

This is when you really have to let him be to his own devices. I understand that there are children involved and you are concerned for them, but your H will not see it that way, which is evidenced by this interaction.

Unfortunately, and many might get upset with me for saying this, but this is one of those situations, where you children may HAVE to be disappointed instead of being prepared.

IMO, let them have their relationship, you can't always cover for their Dad. It is hard. It sucks. But believe me, eventually, they will learn this lesson no matter how hard you try to keep it from them.