Definitely -- thinking I have to give myself a deadline by which to make a decision though.
Jan 29th I got the last we need to talk but I'm not ready email.. nothing really since then (although did get a negative response to my request to use the car to run errands pre snowstorm2)..Just tired of the waiting.. and have to check that "man up and just make a damn decision and stand behind it" side ... This run away thing is for cowards.
Totally agree. I can't even imagine what would happen if my mom were to even see him... Reversely, I don't know if I can ever be close to his family again so that's something I'm thinking about too. Don't feel bad, I kept wondering if I would get a text or any news too.... Pretty good sign that he texted you the next am though I'm guessing? Maybe V-Day was a little too difficult?
Thankfully, I can keep paying and manage things by myself but that also makes your mind think, why is he even in my life? doesn't pay for anything, I can manage alone, and someone treats me like this? I don't even have access to our car! But on a positive note, all that biking, walking, and stomping through the snow is quite the workout! And that's the question I am struggling with.. wondering of I should just pick a date off the calendar and say by that date, if I haven't heard anything, I'm at least filing (maybe step one will be to get him to at least pay something towards the mortgage? Have to figure it out but kind of in denial and choosing the easy non stressful path at this point..
I can only IMAGINE what my mother would do if she were still living. It would not be pretty, that's for sure. Don't you like to imagine what your mother would say to your H, though? It's satisfying in its way to think about it.
I feel the same way about my H's family. If we ever reconcile, it's going to take me a while to stop feeling awkward around them. I guess if we reconcile I'll have to also coach my side to make sure they don't let him have it at a family dinner.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought that I might get some form of contact on Valentine's Day! I don't know how to take it that he texted the next morning. Would V Day be too hard for him? I'm sure things have been difficult for him, but I guess I have a hard time imagining that since he's the one who left.
I can only imagine how toned and athletic you are becoming from all that hiking around your city! I go through angry/borderline bitter periods when I think about how he's at his mother's with NO ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES. We don't have a mansion by any means, but taking care of approx. 3,000 sq. ft. alone is ridiculous. Throw in Boxer dog, turtle (his, of course), and stupid cats, and I have WAY more to manage than he does. Does your H have a separate checking account? Is his money just his "fun money" right now? Has he been diplomatically reminded lately of his grown-up duties?
I think there's nothing wrong with the easy, non-stressful path right now. You don't HAVE to do anything right now, but I understand that you want to be doing something about your situation. I posted a day or two ago on my thread that I went to a doctor last week about upper abdominal pain and learned that I most likely have an ulcer. I obviously have internalized a lot of my stress, and now I am a 33-year-old with an ulcer! I try to relax, but then I worry about having an ulcer AND being separated. This is not so good for stirring up the acids that further aggravate the ulcer. To help myself relax, I went last Saturday and got some great highlights, and then I went and bought two new pairs of tight jeans. I have had contractors at the house the last two afternoons to see about putting down hardwood floors, which would definitely pick up my spirits. I'm thinking of going to get a facial or massage this weekend, and I'm definitely due for a pedicure. In other words--keep doing your non-stressful thing if it helps YOU!! Don't develop an ulcer!!
I was even thinking that V Day might be too tough but that's good at least you heard the day after. I was again hoping something but nope.. haven't heard from him since around 10 days ago when he emailed me the password (yep.. that was the entire email) to the acct so I could change the phone to my name..
How long do you think no contact at all is acceptable?? I guess it is my stubborn self but come on.. how is this acceptable at all? How can some people be allowed to just throw aside any and all responsibilities with no repercussions?? No one taught me this in kindergarten! :-) I could have had a lot more fun!!
Exactly! I'm cleaning, managing the dogs, etc.. fingers crossed nothing breaks and he got an apartment - so worse..he is paying RENT each month and not paying our mortgage. And from the overdue notice I got on the car guess he can't afford ALL of his expenses (car, rent)- so who knows where the rest is going..
What is good about the whole situation is that 1)if they do repossess the car it doesn't affect me since he took it and won't let me use it at all.. :-) and 2)when/if he comes back, the whole money thing will have to change.. he accused me of being too concerned with money.. did I mention that his sister just moved back here after just walking away from their house when they couldn't afford it? Just walked away and got an apartment.. where? yep. same place where his is. She was in the building first.. My sanity has been music, wine, and running (with this whole situation, my dad is in hospice with cancer, my brother just had a tumor removed last week, and a good friend is on #12 of 14 chemo treatments). So whenever I get pissy or stressed, I think of them and realize that things can always be worse...
But... why did I giggle when you mentioned tight jeans and then the contractors were at the house immediately next.. in any way related? lol!
Oh! I didn't think about the tight jeans/contractor comments being back to back! They are unrelated, but I'm glad it got a giggle out of you!
I don't know how long no contact is unacceptable. Ten days is a long time. I also believe that your H thinks his choices are okay because his sister has done what she's done. Is this how their parents brought them up? Were they taught that it's acceptable to leave when things get difficult? Do they think it's okay to do what feels good right now without thinking about the future?
I'll keep my fingers crossed that nothing breaks at your place. Unfortunately, that's already happened here at my house. My kitchen sink leaked, and that was a $300 repair. My upstairs bathtub cracked with water in it. The water went through the floor and then through the ceiling of my den. I lost a chair and ottoman that were soaked, and I've had a good part of my ceiling replaced. The carpet is leaving, and I'm getting hardwood (hence the contractors). Oh, and insurance doesn't cover a cracked tub!
Wine and music have been good for me, too. But running? Yuck. I've had a good time picking out paint samples, looking at other home improvement items (like a new bathtub!) and playing in my den with hardwood floor samples. I've also occupied myself with Law & Order reruns and grading papers. Whatever it takes, right?
How is your father faring? And what's this about your brother? When it rains, it pours . . .
My advice? Put on some tight jeans and call a contractor over to give you an estimate on something. Anything. Then wear those same jeans and a pair of boots, go to Home Depot, Lowe's, or your choice of home improvement store, and prance around there for a little while (my exact afternoon today). You'll feel better, if only for a little while!
An interesting new development. …Did my taxes on Sat night and as usual, refund scheduled to be deposited into my account, which H has no access to.
After hearing nothing for weeks I get an email out of the blue – basically, Hi- you are getting x amount back and I’d like a part of it so I could pay some bills I’m behind on– not the 50% I am entitled by law. I’m willing to be reasonable. It would make a nice birthday gift. I hope you are well.
I pretty much burst out laughing …but later am going a little crazy trying to decipher it. Guess the “Hi” & “Hope you are well “ were nice gestures? But how can you not pay a dime towards any bills, including the mortgage and expect me to say sure—here’s some money towards your apartment… Sorry you can’t afford all your bills.. what can I do to help your situation. Umm. I think not. My first priority for the refund is actual stuff that needs repair around the house..
And his birthday is in April so what the heck does that mean? I owe a birthday gift? My birthday comes first so pressure off there…
Haven’t responded at all and am waiting for him to follow-up. Any advice? Anyone seen anything similar?
He e-mailed you? I can't believe the message! I think I would have laughed, too. I also would have driven myself crazy analyzing (and then over-analyzing) every word of it.
How do you read the "50% entitled to by law" part? And certainly he doesn't already feel like he's owed a birthday gift? It's not even March yet!
I like your thoughts about using the money to do things around the house. That's what I have planned. Our refund has not gone into the account yet, and I have to think about how I'm going to approach H about using the money for the upcoming renovations.
I also agree that you should wait for him to follow up. I don't know him, but after weeks of your hearing nothing, I am afraid his friendliness is insincere. Do you feel like it is, or is this just typical of his style of communication?
Have a great rest of the week! Keep me updated on this!
After hearing nothing for weeks I get an email out of the blue – basically, Hi- you are getting x amount back and I’d like a part of it so I could pay some bills I’m behind on– not the 50% I am entitled by law. I’m willing to be reasonable. It would make a nice birthday gift. I hope you are well.
Wow. Really? That's pretty darn funny!
Silly WAH & the funny, misguided things they say ...
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
