I'm still reacting to my H past behavior, and he's not even here...
D17 hasn't asked many questions about the separation, and what she has asked, I've been side-stepping, avoiding discussion. Not that I don't want to talk to her about what is going on (in an appropriate manner), but in the back of my mind, I still remember the rage that H showed me when I told him I had talked to S19 about seeing a MC. As a result, I've been reluctant to say anything to the kids.
Well, my mom had dinner with D17 last night, just the two of them. Mom is the one person that D feels comfortable talking to, and I am so glad about that she does! They had a great talk- D17 was asking her some questions about what was going on, and mom was answering honestly and appropriately, and gave me some feedback (which I will of course keep confidential from D): * D is happy that I got the dog, she was worried about me being alone. * D would like to be more in the loop as to the status of our M, no more big surprises- like dating others, etc. * D is starting to realize that H has control issues and family of origin issues. * D was wondering about reconciliation prospects- her concerns were that I signed a 12 month lease and got a dog. She knows both pose problems to me moving back home. * D asked mom how long we were in MC, and was informed Sept - Nov. Mom also told her that I was in IC for several months before that. So D is also starting to realize that I did put effort and energy into working on the M, that I wasn't a fogged-out WAW- which is how it looked to her since she had no clue that there were problems. * D confirmed that she was much more comfortable at the apartment, and that she noticed that I looked more relaxed also. * D was also asking about our family's religious background- she really wasn't sure where the family stood on it. * D also tried asking H some of these questions, and was getting the same non-answers that she got from me.
Bottom line- Things are getting better, but I have got to start talking to D more honestly. If she asks, I will answer, H's rage be d@mned...
One other thing- since she is at the apartment so much more now, I think we achieved that 50/50 goal. I am going to start asking for some child support, maybe spousal also. Right now, H pays for their car insurance, and has me and the kids on his health insurance, and I've paid educational and out of pocket medical expenses. He makes significantly more than me (like 3.5 times more), and I think I'm ready to ask for some extra help. I just don't want to look like one of those self-entitled WAW's with illusions of checks coming from their H's. I am grounded in reality- I just want some fair help. The break-up wasn't all my fault...
To the LBH's- what will it take to wake him up to that fact? I left him, and he gladly helped me out the door...
