WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

I know I deserve a 2x4 for replying without waiting and/or offering my response on the board for tweaking but I'd appreciate comments/suggestions for further interactions with H just the same...H is in college and has his March break starting next week...How badly did I react? What could I have said different?


Email exchange this morning initiated by H:

H:*sister2* is going to pick up the kids tommorrow night at 6pm

Me: Who will be returning them?

H: The pope print that one

Me: Why the sarcasm? I have a right to know who will be dropping off the kids.... A simple question should have a simple answer...

<no answer>

Me:I'm assuming since you didn't respond then the answer would be one of your sisters will be dropping the kids off on Sunday... Right?

H: As you so fondly tell me whatever

Me: Will you be seeing them at all this weekend? Or are you starting your March break early? Because the visits are for you and them.. and I need to prepare S13 and D3 if they won't be seeing you this weekend as they are looking forward to it..

H:Don't! Question my fathering! None of your business what I do with my children on my time!

Me:I am not questioning your fathering... I never did and never will.. you are a good father...

I am merely asking if they are going to be dropped off on Sunday by one of your sisters or by you.. and if not by you, then I need to know if you will not be seeing them this weekend as I need to know to prepare them for not being able to see you.. because they are excited and know it is your weekend to see them..

I am not being sarcastic, merely trying to communicate with you as a co-parent.

H:What would make you think I wouldn't be seeing them it's my time with them is it not?

H:Interesting
No answer anyways I'll be dropping them off at 6 Sunday

Me:(in the meantime of above message)Yes it is... and I don't know why you are blowing this out of proportion.. I merely asked who would be dropping them off.. simple question.. I'm not saying you won't be seeing them.. but you, by not merely responding to my question, are indicating to me that you have something you don't want me to know... like perhaps you won't be there...

I am quite aware next week you will be off all week for college March break... I don't know if you are working all week or going away... not my concern..

The children, however, are my main concern and I need to know if you will be working all weekend and won't see them or if you are going away early for your March break and won't see them because of that.. They are children with emotions and expectations of seeing their father.. I need to prepare them if they won't see you because they will be disappointed... And if you will be seeing them, then there is no issue, just my original question as to who will be dropping them off and when.. Which I am entitled to know as their mother...

Perhaps if you treated me with the respect I deserve as their mother, we could have this conversation by phone some day.

I will not accept being treated as a criminal when I have not done anything wrong to you. I will not accept you yelling or purposely trying to hurt me verbally or in person. I respect myself too much to put up with that from anyone. If you choose to yell at me on the phone or try to disrespect me in any way, I will hang up on you.


Me: I am at work, by the way, and am responding to you between working at my job. Sorry if you don't feel it is quick enough however I need to keep my job to support our children.

H:I'm gonna say this once
Respect for you went out the window the day you used our kids as a pawn in your childish game
There will be no more talk between us because I have never felt so much hate as I do for you
Either myself or one of my sisters will pick up our kids every Friday when it's my time with them and drop them off at 6 on Sundays
Goodbye

Me:I am not playing games. And I am not the one using the children as pawns. You were the one who said that either I sign the custody documents as you would like them or you would change your mind about my having the house and tax refund as promised when you originally left. You also changed your mind about leaving most of your paycheques in the bank while you are in school to use for our expenses as a result of my not signing your version of the agreement.

I have always indicated to you that you may see the children on weeknights as well, however you have yet to take me up on that.

This whole exchange shows the reason why there is no way that Joint Custody would work between us. And that is the reason why I objected to listing "Joint custody" on the documents. You cannot even discuss a pick up and drop off without turning it into an issue. How can we decide things together if you cannot even communicate with me in a civil manner without acting ignorant.

As for your sisters picking up or dropping off the children, unless you are working, I expect you to do so as they are our children and not your sisters' responsibility now that you have a car. And, unless I am working, I will be there as well. I am working tomorrow night, however, I will be there on Sunday.

As for your feelings of hate towards me, you might want to ask yourself why you still hate me so much, considering as far as you are concerned, our marriage has been over for years. According to what you said you wanted, you should be feeling quite happy and relieved since you no longer have me or the daily responsibility of the children to keep you from being "free".

H: Being free!
You selfish women!
How easily you forget I was the one who worked while you sat at home doing god knows what
I cooked cleaned and put our kids to bed
Did laundry and work around the house and all I got from you was I can't get motivated today

So how dare you lazy women stand there in judgement of me!

Me:I know that is how you see things and I know now that you felt that all you were was a convenience. However I never felt that way about you or saw you with anything less than love and respect in my heart, but unfortunately, I didn't know how to show you differently at the time.

You were an awesome father, better than my own. And I felt very much out of my element because I didn't know what a true family life full of love and emotion was like. You and your family taught me what a family should be, and I am striving to show that kind of family life for our children. I put them to bed at night (when I am not working) and bath, play and care for them and our home to the best of my ability now. And I can only see that getting better the more I learn through this journey I am now on to improve myself and our children's lives.

Our parents and upbringing were not good role models for us and didn't provide us with the life and relationship skills we needed to know how to fix our marriage and communicate properly when things got tough. We looked outside of our marriage in different ways for solutions when we should have turned inward and trusted our bond with each other.

In any case, that marriage is done. Both of us are different people now and both of us deserve to treat each other with respect because we have children who are looking to us as their role models.

I hope that one day we can talk by phone or in person without disrespect.


<<no response from H>>

Found out from SIL1 that H didn't get his pay this week.. some admin error...thus he was primed when he emailed me...

Okay.. bring it on..