I left her a message that her friendship is important to me and that although I do not approve of what she's doing (the A) I do want her to be happy; and that I'm sorry that I am not a part of that happiness-
In your case part of that is also the validation that you're desirable to a member of the opposite sex. It does wonders for your self-esteem.
Even just having female friends, online or IRL, will really help you to heal. It will not help you to stay friends with your W! Not healthy...
And I suggest that when it comes time to divorce and split up belongings, DO IT QUICKLY...it will cause less pain and help you detach sooner!
(((maynard)))
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I left her a message that her friendship is important to me and that although I do not approve of what she's doing (the A) I do want her to be happy; and that I'm sorry that I am not a part of that happiness-
"Blcccch!"
Puppy
I am for Blcccch too...
SHe is NOT going to be happy. Affairs have NOTHING to do with HAPPINESS... its EXCITEMENT...
I have said this before and I will say it again...
VIOLENCE is exciting, but it does NOT make people happy... LYING is exciting, but it does NOT make people happy CHEATING is exciting, but it does NOT make people happy
AFFAIRS are EXCITNIG, but they Do NOT make people HAPPY...
You just cater to yoru wife's delusions and SIGN OFF on them when you give her the "I just want you to be happy" crap...
Talk like a husband
"You will regret this. I stand by my willingness to work on our marriage. I will NOT in any way support an affair... This WILL FAIL for you.. and for THAT, You have my condolences... do NOT come crying to ME for support when it crashes into the ground and you are alone... because I will be happy without you. I will be happy and you won't because I know what love means and you never will"
You can find your own way to word it, but the focus is :
1. This will fail - she's been warned by you who was obligated to protect her 2. Excitement is NOT happiness - You tried to help her understand the difference 3. You will NOT wait for this to crash - you are moving on and will be healthier without her affair in your life
THose aer KEY points you need to sign off with... worded whatever way you like..
Keep your ground and your dignity... ALWAYS
If you are HURTING TOO MUCH to keep your ground, keep AWAY from CONTACT...
STEEL yourself ... OR PROTECT yourself.. but do one or the other...
You NEED that right now in particular... divorce is HARD... you need to help yourself through that... surrendering to the affair is NOT gonig to help you through a divorce... challenging it and keeping your dignity is how you survive that.
There will always be better chances to kiss this affair good bye the way it deserves.
yes, FB friends, only contacted them when I got M- they are both happily M w/ children
Word to the wise...
NEXT marriage... do NOT keep girlfriends listed in your face book...
That's called lifeboating...
a Lifeboat is aboat attached to a ship in the off chance the boat sinks
When you lifeboat your marriage by keeping girlfriends in your contact list (facebook, outlook, or a phone book) you are NOT making a commitment.. or at least not SHOWING one to your spouse..
If I looked in my wife's facebook and saw former boyfriends in there, I would walk out the DOOR and NOT look back.
