I've always found great comfort in identifying myself through other people's needs.
Ooops.
I am obstinate, adept at denial and slow to change.
However, finally realizing this makes life much easier.
I am independent.. not dependent on interactions with the former spouse.. for meaning in my life. My focus on my daughter is good but it's better to have more focus on me having a life.
I was a great skier in my early twenties.. skiing the Alps, wherever I could. But I would never update my old old old equipment. I was afraid to spend the money based on all the attending questions I projected. If I spend X on equipment, does that mean I have to ski Y amount of times to 'break even'. Will I go broke breaking even? The black diamond guy skiers kept saying.. if you ski this great on rental equipment, you won't believe how incredible you'll be with your own. My fear quashed my passion.
And that's one thing that's missing in my life... a passion that's for me. The kids are a joyous life's work. But I'm at an age where it's gonna be just me for quite a while.
