Start of the end..

[Gardener]

iwitw,

My life could not get more surreal at times than if I were in a Hitchcock movie...my L kicked her L and STBXW out of his office..

Surreal is right. Good Lord. At least you apparently selected a lawyer with some Testicular Fortitude.

This is going to drag out and get really ugly, when I don't even want that.. and I am not even being spiteful to her.

Why does it always seem to have to become...such...Madness?!?

I just want out of this with some of my hide intact

You'll come out with more than just some of it.
More importantly, you will come out of this with your integrity intact.
Hang in there, iwitw.
Endure.

[iwantittowork]

All, thanks for your thoughts.

I am woefully behind on your sitches, but I have just been exhausted the last couple weeks with everything that is going on, on top of busy at work just to support stbxw and myself, etc, etc.

One thing that I did find odd in our meeting yesterday was on a personal level. I looked at stbxw, and was very surprised that the feeling that I did not think she was that attractive passed through me.

[Gardener]

iwitw,

I looked at stbxw, and was very surprised that the feeling that I did not think she was that attractive passed through me

Same here. That same revelation hit me a couple of months back. And not just on a physical level: her actions, values, priorities, her personality, loss of decency, etc.

[BigJohn]

IWITW,

Sorry to hear about the results of your recent 4-way meeting. Talk about a screw job. Kudos to your L for throwing STBXW and her bottom feeding L out of his office!! I hope you are getting whatever help you can from any Father's Right's groups out there. If it's any solace, I just got a copy of the appraisal for our house done by an appraiser hired by my STBXW's L and saw that he valued the house by $125K more than my Realtor. So I'm a little busy right now picking apart that piece of $h*t.

Also, you are not alone on another point you brought up: I'm starting to see my STBXW in a similar light as you are with yours.

Keep fighting the good fight. I'll try to check in later.

[antlers]

HEY IWITW.

JUST CHECKING IN ON YOU. CONTINUE TO ASK 'HIM' FOR STRENGTH AND WISDOM IN DEALING WITH EVERY FACET OF THIS CRISIS YOU'RE IN.

[bright_new_day]

Same here. That same revelation hit me a couple of months back. And not just on a physical level: her actions, values, priorities, her personality, loss of decency, etc.

I think that is the eye opener for many LBS's. We look at the person we once loved and trusted, and see a person we no longer respect or trust. We see a person who threw away all the values we thought they had. Most WAS's seem to become totally different people than the ones we were married to, or maybe we finally see what might have been there all along. I know that in my marriage, the things that really started to tear us apart were there for a long time, I just made excuses and avoided dealing with them. I look at what a self-centered, materialistic, controlling person my X is, and I can go back now and see that those traits were there, I just never addressed them.

[BobbiJo]

You know, I met up with XH @ my daughter's Preschool Parent Night Tuesday.

He got there and I looked him in the eye and then looked at his face and he hardly looks like the guy I remember. I think I hadn't really LOOKED at him in a while...he looks tired, old, and depressed. Not the most attractive picture...

[bright_new_day]

I look at my X's face and I see selfishness and meanness. I guess in some way it was always there, I just didn't want to recognize it. The only time his tone turns nice or his face seems to soften is if he wants something. Ick

[iwantittowork]

Hey BBJ, and BND, thanks for stopping by and I understand where you are coming from.

Hey, I have a question for some of you nice ladies, as I seek to understand women more, and clear away my own confusion, communication issues, etc..

Yesterday, after working out, I wound up in the elevator with a very attractive lady who had been in the gym at the same time. I am attempting to work beyond my issues of self confidence, etc, so I put myself out there a bit, and just introduced myself, and said I had seen her in the gym a few times, and started a brief chat on her workout and running as an exercise program.

I notice that all of a sudden she actually got nervous or shy, and actually blushed deeply, or was very embarrassed, as her face turned red and she started looking at her feet, and when her stop on the elevator she said a quick good bye and practically sprinted out the door.

My old self popped up, and I assumed I had said something wrong, or embarrassed her in some way, or she thought I was hitting on her, or she was afraid of me, etc.

I had been just analyzing bit, and wonder about a woman's perspective on interaction like this, as I try and make improvements in my communication and interaction with women to grow in this area more.

[antlers]

I'm not a lady, but I think you did good! You didn't do anything wrong. Keep it up. Good for you. Remember, whatever she did after you "put yourself out there" was because of her. It was NOT because of you. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. And don't make assumptions either. You have no idea why she acted the way she did, and you don't know what she thinks or feels either. Just know that her reaction WAS NOT because of you! She might be flattered, shy, insecure herself, whatever! Who knows?

Keep doing things like that man! Good on ya'!