Separated

[kb1234]

New Post, because title of old post in this forum was out of date.
Some quick background:
Older Other threads here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1604532

and here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1690060

Married 14 years, Separated since January 2009.
I filed for divorce in early May 2009.
We have been talking more and more since mid-May 2009 after I filed for divorce.
I asked for latest trial date to give us more time to talk and work on things have until January 2010.

W and I have attended two pro-marriage counseling sessions together, but now we are stalled, and W has canceled last two counseling appointments.

I feel that W does not give our marriage a priority.

I feel She does not want to work on our relationship.

Feeling frustrated, and sad.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[kb1234]

Also, of note, with four children we have been sharing custody since she moved out in January 2009.
I have them 3 or 4 nights a week, and she has them the other nights, so 50-50 custody.

Strange how kids have adjusted to this routine.

[cat03]

I dare to think she has a MLC having 4 kids and being under 40. Why did you file, what was your hurry? she actually went to C with you...even if she stalled now, perhaps she is undecisive...it hurts you, but there could still be hope, let her be, maybe she just needs some time... give her that, what else can you loose? if she istn' going to C, would she go now and then on a casual date with you? give her some space for now.

[C-Bart]

KB,
WOW! I can't believe how similar our sitches are with a couple of small differences.

Same separation date. Bomb very close. Same state. Same arrangements.

She actually filled. I have one less kid.

[kb1234]

I filed because I did not see the situation changing.
I have thought seriously about dismissing the case to give us more time, but I am afraid that I will then stay in this unresolved limbo situation. I want things resolved.

[kb1234]

I am strongly considering dismissing the divorce.
We have attended some positive marriage counseling and are making some slow progress.
It is hard to be patient with the pace of progress.
I try not to focus on the separation, but it still creeps in.

Kids seem to be doing well, and adjusting to the arrangements, at her place, and then at my place the house we all shared.

[BeginningAgain]

Glad to hear that you are making enough progress to consider dismissing the divorce - that in itself is encouraging. It is amazing how resilient most kids are in these situations. I thought mine were going to be much more affected by the separation - but they have adjusted just fine and haven't missed a step.

I hope your progress continues into a fullfledged reconcilliation.

S4H

[kb1234]

February 2010 update.
We dismissed the divorce
We are still separated, but we are talking about when she will move back in. We still have some minor issues to resolve.

[BeginningAgain]

Good news that the divorce was dismissed!! So how is it going now? Still improving, hopefully at least.

BA

[ClingingToHope]

Good luck with that. I received a D petition in the mail two weeks ago but still no D has actually been filed. I guess I still cling to hope that the D will never actually happen, but then a few moments later I'll daydream about this being over, being free of some of this debt and being able to look for someone who will love me.

So I'm still up-and-down.

Did you filing for the D shake things up in any way? Did W talk about the D a lot or not?

How did you get her to go to M counseling?

I've stopped asking my W to do anything to work on the M. Last year, I asked her to go to counseling and to a church M thing. She said no on the counseling and said she'd "think" about the M thing.

I finally stopped pursuing in October after she decided against a weekly call to talk about our R.

So one thing I wonder is even if she did start to waver, I'm not showing her routes back to working on the M.