how do i keep my hope alive?

[Onthemountaintop]

If a H grew up/had physical abuse, emotional abuse, depression, a single parent, traumatic events, a previous D, life-long conditions, or other things, they will not necessarily act the way the book suggests (see book, "Imperfect Harmony").

Understanding them is not about making the other person come back, it is about noticing what triggered feelings of shame, jealosy, etc. It is about being more empathetic to their situation and their point of view. It is about being able to maximize your converstations for now, but also for later in the R. If the R doesn't succeed or it does, those same skills can be used for other Rs, and to some degree for oneself.