Hey Gyps, a little question for you. Does your former spouse treat you like a friend? If so, then go ahead and treat him like one. Something tells me he does not..........
We can't make them be who we thought they were any more than they can do that for us. Bill is not lovely and warm or even particularly kind. You, my dear Katie, are one of a kind, a real gem.
Don't let him bring you down. I would keep any contact to the absolute minimum. You can't make him be a good Dad. What happens there is between himself and his children. You are their Mom. The strong rock they can count on. Keep that focus and you will be fine.
hugs, kat
Ms. kat..
Thank you beyond words for those thoughts. I cannot describe what a comfort they were and are for me.
I've always found great comfort in identifying myself through other people's needs.
Ooops.
I am obstinate, adept at denial and slow to change.
However, finally realizing this makes life much easier.
I am independent.. not dependent on interactions with the former spouse.. for meaning in my life. My focus on my daughter is good but it's better to have more focus on me having a life.
I was a great skier in my early twenties.. skiing the Alps, wherever I could. But I would never update my old old old equipment. I was afraid to spend the money based on all the attending questions I projected. If I spend X on equipment, does that mean I have to ski Y amount of times to 'break even'. Will I go broke breaking even? The black diamond guy skiers kept saying.. if you ski this great on rental equipment, you won't believe how incredible you'll be with your own. My fear quashed my passion.
And that's one thing that's missing in my life... a passion that's for me. The kids are a joyous life's work. But I'm at an age where it's gonna be just me for quite a while.
I'm trying to be chill like O'Dog.. precise and pithy.
Something happened with the ex today that left me furious, seething and shaking. At one point it looked like his actions would nullify the loan modification process, leaving me in the lurch for over a thousand dollars.
Oops.. I posted before I finished. The short answer, mishka.. is YES! It took a village to do it though!
*hugs*
Today was tough.
I'm trying to be chill like O'Dog.. precise and pithy.
Something happened with the ex today that left me furious, seething and shaking. At one point it looked like his actions would nullify the loan modification process, leaving me in the lurch for over a thousand dollars.
I felt like (assumed) he was intentionally trying to screw me over. I was probably on the phone all day trying to resolve this. At one point I felt hopeless and helpless.. like how it felt to be the dog that was kicked repeatedly.
One word came to mind... Karma.
Not the.. 'he will get his' karma.. just the image.
I called a friend who knew about mortgages, grounded myself and called the agency back, told them "Borrower 1" (aka former spouse) absolutely refused to sign an okay for the joint tax return to be verified.
Things worked out. I had other documents which met their requirements alleviating the need for his signature. Of course, only after spending six hours on the phone talking to various representatives (all helpful) and all other avenues were exhausted.
Karma.. that word.. meant goodness which surrounds and helps. I had angels aiding me today. I had felt such extreme ANGER which dissipated.. with the simple image of karma.
I don't need him.
I spent so much of my life enmeshed in him, his estimation equaling my sense of worth.
I don't know how to explain it.. but it was all good. He can be pissy and mean.. and it doesn't matter. That's not my problem.
I guess I am emerging.. Just me.. no longer afraid of my shadow.
Sorry I haven't written much. Haven't done much social media either. I don't know exactly why.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
