I missed your input for a while- I know that you keep a close eye on things. I have learned much about my resolve and sheer determination (or denial lol), but I have had poor coping skills w/in my sitch...at times I do OK, but I have ALOT of work to do for myself like you said.
I've learned W is ready to file- per our conversation Mon- we want to do it very cheaply, she doesn't want to lay claim on the house- though she loves it.
Sad- but I told her it's a box w/o her there.
Looks like I'll have a new thread soon in Surviving the Big D...hopefully she can find whatever respect for me she can to keep things civil and "friendly"
I will not hold a grudge against her- and I will not hate her- neither of us deseve that
maynard2121, Sorry that your W is talking D. My H has been for almost 2 months now. And he has hired a L, but not filed yet. I've been told by some of the more experienced DB that it's not over yet.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
I feel the same way in some cases- but they say it's diff when the WAS is the H...I am so hopeful for you!!
I will not stop DB, but I will no longer focus anything on WAW...should have done that months ago but the darn A's were killing me and I thought MIL would do something other than hug and kiss OM2---WTFFFFFFFFF!!!???
Time to be a bit more realistic and mature about things...
So sorry )-: But your right it's time to focus on yourself, which I know is the hardest thing to do. I'm so obsessed with my H's A I can't function really, but I'm trying.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Did you expect anything else from MIL... Come on Maynard.
Also its not a box. Its now your house. And trust me on this. While the guilt is running high. Get as much as you can from her and get it signed. ASAP.
Cause if you do not. It will get harder and harder.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Still feeling pretty good, not GALing as much b/c of bad weather. Still retracing steps of my M and it's failures, still grasping at answers to why...
W removed her M name from her FB profile...we are headed for D.
I left her a message that her friendship is important to me and that although I do not approve of what she's doing (the A) I do want her to be happy; and that I'm sorry that I am not a part of that happiness- and that when the D is finalized, I can change my view of her R- though it would take time to become fully supportive.
I spoke to my mother at length last night- she's happy that I am feeling better and accepting things. She's angry that W has done what she has, but understands and respects the love I still have for W.
I'm also very impressed that I am not following in W's footsteps trying to fill the void...that is usually my MO- the easier and softer way so to speak.
I've realized that the WAW is not M when they walk away, especially when they are open to new R. I knew that my sitch was grimm- b/c I knew that W and I had serious issues w/ time and connection...I know that it was not always me and not always her; I know that she's changed w/ drinking and it's opened her up to a diff world of "fun" (night-life, parties, excitement, and likely passion).
I'll be starting a new thread soon. I am hopeful of 3 things:
-that I will be able to heal and will have experienced all of the emotions relating to the death of my M and loss of my W.
-that one day W will realize the loss as well and will have to face her part and her emotions to be able to heal as well
-that one day there will be a strong friendship between us- perhaps one more rewarding than that M we shared
