How much do they hurt?

[hoosiermama]

I'm close to 2 years into it now, and xH is still very happy with OW and his new life and new family. I remain an inconvenient babysitter to his daughter and don't exist to him aside from that role. He has had no apparent consequences--still has all his friends, his family, still has a great reputation professionally (altho it would seem to me that adultery would be frowned upon by chaplains, but I guess not). I've had to start over from scratch professionally, spent last winter without heat because I couldn't afford to have the furnace fixed; in-laws and nieces/nephews have cut me off, most friends have distanced themselves. I'm not all that certain he had an actual MLC, because there seems to be no pain at all and never has been--probably simply an exit affair and a continuation of his lifelong pattern of being passionate about something and then abandoning it. Many of the externals are there for MLC, but the essential "replay" of childhood issues doesn't seem to exist.

I try hard not to focus on his lack of consequences, but there are times when life gets really hard and it seems so unfair that D14 and I are the ones with all the repercussions from his decisions. I've put my life back together before, but it's harder at this age and with a child. But I digress...this lacks many of the essentials to be MLC.