Post any questions you might have to me here....

[HeartsBlessing]

Hi Flowmom,
I did indeed, read your answers..and grabbed your other questions and dragged them over here:

I'll take you up on your offer to ask more questions please . To expand on my question, I was wondering how the frequent contact and need to collaborate (when young children are involved) helps or hinders the separated MLC in progressing through the stages? And how does the LBS take care of herself without going dark/dim (because it's hard to coparent effectively while dark/dim)?

Read Jack Three Beans' response to you over on his thread, too.
He has the type of experience that I don't.

My husband never left home in this, other than working his job as a trucker, and I was still working a day job.
We had the one child who was 15 at the time.

I can say I never really went dark nor did I go dim while this was going on, the only exception was the case of OW, I did go "dim" for a period of time; I had to in order to protect myself. I actually didn't know I was doing that..I refused to have anything to do with him..barely speaking to him...and I could see it was killing him; yet he had to know he'd lose me if things didn't change...but that's another story entirely.

Yet, husband was chasing son on his own; I had NOTHING to do with that, nor can I explain it except with remember they act the opposite of what they normally were before they went into the tunnel...and my husband didn't spend alot of time with son before..but after going in; all of a sudden he wanted a relationship with him...I EVEN remember thinking that was strange. Yet, I was glad he was doing that..I'd hated to have had to hurt him for mistreating our son. And I would have.


I remember not being able to go completely dark slowed the process down, somewhat, and there was some interference; anytime the LBS is still there with the WAS, it "distracts" the MLC'er from looking within.
I realize you're trying to keep things normal, but that can hinder your husband's journey for a time, and hinder yours as well.

On the other hand, you've still got to detach and distance from his drama, never mind what he's doing to deal, and still concentrate on yourself. Putting yourself on hold is not good, either.

That's a fine balancing act, but you'll need to find and make the time to do the necessary work on you; I'm speculating the kids are not always around, and neither is your WAS.

You've said yourself he takes them often; and that leaves you on your own for a time, doesn't it? When no one is there; and you're all alone is the best time for introspection, and walking the journey. Sometimes, I laid awake at night, processing the day's events, amongst other things, and did alot of looking within when everyone was asleep.

All I can tell you on the subject of your WAS is watch him; you will know if you might have to take any type of stronger measures.

Also, I have no idea how long his guilt might last before it might change to something else or it might not...watch for changes there.

One other thing; you will need to learn to let him go if he requests time on his own. That might happen.

Be prepared for anything and everything to happen; this is MLC after all.

I really hope this will help.

Anyone else who feels to need to contribute; bring it on.